Dealing with a down

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Been through about a week of being utterly down.  It’s nothing to do with anything in my life, just a chemical imbalance of mine.  Starting to perk up again now, I feel like I’m on the up, which is good.

Describing the feeling would be something like – have you ever been so utterly worried or terrified of a mistake you made and you’re wrecking your brain trying to think of a way to fix it?  That constant worry and fear, stomach in knots, mind racing… Well it kinda feels like that all the time.  I can take meds for it but I’d rather work through it myself than feel like a vegetable.  It kinda feels like you’re being sucked into a black hole and you have to hold on tight to sanity and reality.

I’ve spent the past week vegging out, playing dwarf fortress, being anti-social and getting as fucked as possible, because, it’s just a matter of time.  I know it will pass and I have the best support network available: my awesome partner and a few good work colleagues and online friends, if I ever need to chat or vent.  I try not to make a huge deal of it, just keep myself to myself, I’m a lot quieter than normal.  I think the more you observe yourself and your reactions to it on the outside, the easier it becomes to control, to the point where, I know I don’t have to worry about it until it happens again.

My pet’s been keeping me entertained with stories and cuddles and attention and conversation.  Honestly, I suffered through so many years of being alone, even when I was in a relationship, feeling like the people around me didn’t give a fuck what was happening to me or why it was happening.  Now I know I don’t have to worry about that any more.

Northern Ireland: 20 years of stalemate on abortion

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Last week, the High Court ruled that women from Northern Ireland are not entitled to free abortion care in England. The judgement put the spotlight back on the injustice that there are women living in the UK in 2014 who are not able to access abortion care when they need it.


Northern Ireland: 20 years of stalemate on abortion

How to talk to short people

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How to talk to short people

RIP HR Giger

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RIP HR Giger, probably the greatest artist that ever lived.

Mortal Online?

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Downloaded a copy of mortal online yesterday, although we haven’t had a chance to play it yet.

Mortal Online is a first-person MMORPG in a fantasy setting.

Mortal Online is a next generation PC MMORPG both in terms of graphics and gameplay. There are no PvP zones, only an open realistic world where you are free to choose your own path. Experience true real-time combat where you decide every move your character makes and where your personal skill really matters.

 I played Darkfall for a while, and while it has the potential to be an awesome game, we left because it was horrifically unbalanced and the playerbase/community were mostly assholes. 

Hoping Mortal Onlne isn’t the same kinda thing.

Equal Marriage – Northern Ireland (update)

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How the Northern Ireland assembly voted on marriage equality:

It’s shameful. I don’t think this is a representation of what the Northern Irish public want at all.  This is not acceptable.  It’s time for us to fight back and stop voting these bigoted fucks in.

The full results here:

Join the Vote the Bigots Out facebook page here:

ahhh your thoughts on D3 are almost the same as mine. I didn’t even finish the pre expansion, leveled to about 30 and just got tired of it. Really surprised blizzard fixed it so well

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Yeah the guy who’s headed up the development team is an old diablo 2 player so he knows exactly what people want from the game.  Shame that pvp hasn’t been properly released yet but expect that will come in time.

What we’re playing at the moment

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1. Warlock 2: The Exiled

We were pretty big into Warlock: Master of the Arcane.  Paradox have now released the second in the title: Warlock 2: The Exiled.  It’s a hex turn based strategy game where you can play the usual races: humans, elves, dwarves, undead, monsters (which is a mish-mash of goblins, wolves and other random creatures).  We’ve been co-oping it versus the computer, building our bases up, fighting other armies – it’s been pretty fun.  The game itself is basically an improvement on the original.  They’ve made some nice graphic and interface changes.  I can’t see that they’ve added in any new mechanics or done any major changes to the actual game.  I’m ok with that though – the original game was great and this one is pretty awesome too.  Why fix what isn’t broken, right?

Steam link:

Watch the comedy trailer, it’s pretty funny.

2. Dwarf Fortress (Masterwork J)

So after a few months of playing the unmodded Dwarf Fortress, this week, we moved onto start the Masterwork mod.  My pet is playing Kobolds and I’m playing a race of mighty orcs.  We also have a shared fortress of gnomes that we play around with in between.  Really enjoying playing the orcs – it’s a completely different playstyle to the dwarves.  Orcs are lazy, they like to fight, they eat shitloads of meat so it requires a lot more involvement with animals and merchants to sustain the nation.  My pet’s fort is all above-ground clay-made Kobold haven.  Kobolds seem entirely incapable of defending themselves early-game, so he’s having to think of clever ways to sustain his little nation.

3. Diablo III: Reaper of Souls

I’m a massive diablo fan.  I played Diablo 2 for years, literally years of my life spent perfecting my characters and building them up to be the best that I could.  I played mostly on USWest realm, back in the day.  Europe was generally too full of non-english speakers, so it was easier to just play on a US server.  I entered and won lots of tournaments on my paladin (hammerdin) and had a really fun time doing it.

So when Diablo 3 first came out, naturally, I was massively disappointed at it.  It was cartoonish, casual, keyboard-smashing brainless and loaded with the most irritating cut-scenes known to mankind.  It was a massive flop. Sure it sold loads of copies, but nobody wanted to keep playing it, except the most extreme “fans”.  The game was virtually dead within a few months of release as people got bored and wandered off to the next game.  In between D3 and the expansion coming out, I played a lot of Path of Exile, which, btw is a great (and free) game.  I enjoyed Path of Exile, but it was a massive grindfest, like – once you got your char to a decent level, it was a massive pain in the arse to respec – you could respec, it just took a load of resources and time.  That’s one thing I liked about Diablo 3 – you could respe any time you wanted, and at no cost.  Want to try out a different build for a bit ? No problem at all. 

So I bit the bullet and bought the expansion, to see if it had indeed, made the game any better.  I’d say that they have fixed some of the more irritating things – they made the cut scenes optional, the new zone that they’ve created for the expansion has a cool “atmosphere” which, for me, is something cartoony diablo 3 failed miserably at on launch.  They’ve introduced some reasons to keep you playing it too, lots of different ways to grind gear.  They’ve removed the auction house, which in itself, was the most retarded idea a game developer has ever had – I mean, why the fuck would you put an auction house into an ARPG?  Community interaction in those games is all about trading and duelling.  Remove that from the game, and you’re left with no community. 

Interestingly, there is no trading at the moment at all.  You can trade with people in your game with limited drops, i.e. if something drops while you’re playing with someone, you have a few hours whereby you can trade that item with them, otherwise – zero trading.  I kinda like it, but at the same time, opening trading to allow the community to grow a bit more would be better.  Oh and there is no pvp at the moment in Diablo 3.  They have some kind of retarded duelling system but that isn’t really what diablo is about.  I think the developers are worried about the classes not being “balanced” but they were never balanced in Diablo 2, that’s what made it fun – people coming up with more and more interesting builds for their class to make it viable… like, the community can sort out the balance, it doesn’t have to be tweaked to boring by devs.  Let us PK!!!

Always appreciate game suggestions.  If you have any, let me know 🙂

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I wish people would acknowledge that Britain doesn’t just mean England, it means Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland too. Britain is the name for all the countries, not just one.
I’m sorry but I’m just a little sick of folk getting it wrong.

Great Britain refers geographically to the island of Great Britain, politically to England, Scotland and Wales in combination. The United Kingdom is the name for England, Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland.  See:

Confused? Me too.