Addressing my fears

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We had a smoke and watched like 3 episodes of Star Trek and then a film.  Ambled down to bed at about 11:30.  Didn’t bother putting music on, it wasn’t necessary.  We were both pretty stoned.  He was wearing a little silky black nightdress, very short, no panties.  

I sat him up on the bed and put him between my legs facing away from me, so that I was holding him, from behind.  I held him close for a while, feeling his heartbeat, stroking his chest, touching his nipples and arms and thighs.  He was receptive and it was easy to arouse him by rubbing his cock through the silky nightdress.  So that’s what I did, I told him to open his legs up for me, I put my arm around his neck and choked him gently as I forced him into orgasm.  

I held my arm around his neck tightly as he released and his body shuddered under the pressure I was putting on him.  He came a lot.  It made me happy to see him satisfied and he looked all cute and his big subby blue eyes in his little black dress all covered in cum.  I smiled down at him.

I asked if he’d like to go upstairs for a smoke (cigarette) before sleeping and he agreed.  I went into the bathroom, I was soaking, aching to be touched.  Why didn’t I say something before we went up?  I felt a little silly.  I changed into some clean panties and went upstairs.  As I walked up, he was sitting on the couch reading his pad.  Shyly, I said “Sorry I took so long, had to change my pants, I was soaking”.  He didn’t look up.  I felt a little annoyed.  Maybe he didn’t hear.  I asked if he heard me? He told me that he did and apologised for not responding.

When we got downstairs a bit, it was still in the back of my mind.  Might have been a case of acute paranoia, but I felt a little hurt.  I lay there for a long time wondering why.  The previous night, as you read, I got a fantastic orgasm, but… being the nypmpho that I am, my body always wants more.  I told him that it was hard for me to get to that level of arousal and then not orgasm.  He apologised profusely and then got annoyed with himself for not making me cum or not “reading the signs”.

 It was my fault though, as my fury settled, I saw a little more clearly and apologised to him “Don’t let it ruin our fantastic evening, I should have communicated my needs better”.  I should have, said something.  I’m the domme here?! But sometimes, I feel a little greedy.  He only orgasms once every couple of days.  Sometimes I feel like too much maintenance needing one almost every day.  I’m always afraid of doing what I have to my previous partners, even though he’s absolutely NOTHING like them – that is, overwhelming him with attention and sex.

In the end, I played with myself while he rambled on for a bit.  When he finally noticed, he took over and gave me another amazing orgasm.

I feel so silly sometimes.

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