Dealing with a down

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Been through about a week of being utterly down.  It’s nothing to do with anything in my life, just a chemical imbalance of mine.  Starting to perk up again now, I feel like I’m on the up, which is good.

Describing the feeling would be something like – have you ever been so utterly worried or terrified of a mistake you made and you’re wrecking your brain trying to think of a way to fix it?  That constant worry and fear, stomach in knots, mind racing… Well it kinda feels like that all the time.  I can take meds for it but I’d rather work through it myself than feel like a vegetable.  It kinda feels like you’re being sucked into a black hole and you have to hold on tight to sanity and reality.

I’ve spent the past week vegging out, playing dwarf fortress, being anti-social and getting as fucked as possible, because, it’s just a matter of time.  I know it will pass and I have the best support network available: my awesome partner and a few good work colleagues and online friends, if I ever need to chat or vent.  I try not to make a huge deal of it, just keep myself to myself, I’m a lot quieter than normal.  I think the more you observe yourself and your reactions to it on the outside, the easier it becomes to control, to the point where, I know I don’t have to worry about it until it happens again.

My pet’s been keeping me entertained with stories and cuddles and attention and conversation.  Honestly, I suffered through so many years of being alone, even when I was in a relationship, feeling like the people around me didn’t give a fuck what was happening to me or why it was happening.  Now I know I don’t have to worry about that any more.

One thought on “Dealing with a down

    awsmGirl said:
    May 17, 2014 at 1:26 am

    This sounds familiar- i go thru this sometimes with “sub drop” after a right good scene, or even “con drop” after a great weekend spent at an event. For me, it’s recognizing the symptoms — the vague sense of stress and malaise, the need to cry over “nothing,” the way EVERYTHING SUCKS — and to know that it WILL pass, if I just roll with it. Definitely helps to have a partner or special someone to help with a lil aftercare and follow-up, and calling upon my support circle to just howl at the moon. Being already predisposed to a bit of depression means my “brain chemical soup” takes any opportunity to make my life “interesting,” lol. The fact that you are self-aware is half the game. The rest is just hangin’ in there. I wish you peace. 🙂

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