Rambles

Some random thoughts in a weekly summary

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I feel like I haven’t written anything in a while.  Partly because I’ve spent the last week with a horrendous cold, partly because we’ve spent a lot of time this week smoking so haven’t been as active as we normally are.  The evenings are so cold at the moment that it’s hard to exist out of long, cosy dressing gowns and blankets.  

We’ve almost taken it in turns to orgasm this week.  I had one night where I played with him for so long he ended up becoming numb – used a lot of the wand vibrator on him – and came so hard I thought he was going to faint.  We had another night where I lay back and let him work his magic on me – he’s so good at knowing his way around my body – and he made me cum so hard that I soaked the bed.

We’ve also been playing a lot of path of exile this week with our guild.  Last night was particularly fun being one of the cutthroat race events… like a pvp race done with a party.  We ganked and got ganked.  I hope they do more events like that in the future.  After that, instead of watching TV, we listened to music for a bit on the sofa and ended up downstairs, listening to music and watching our starlamp bounce across the ceiling.  We talked for hours, about all sorts of things.  

One thing that occurred to us yesterday was how much time people spend cleaning their houses.  I’ll be the first to admit that our house is pretty messy.  We have cleaning sprees where we clean up for an hour or two, whenever the mood (or need) takes us.  The rest of the time, in the evenings, we spend enjoying each other’s company, playing games, bathing together, listening to music, watching a film or a series.  How great it is not to have children and to be able to enjoy life like this.  I really enjoy having that freedom and having fun.  

I don’t think I could ever be one of those people who have kids (no disrespect meant, it just isn’t for me) and spend their non-work hours looking after it.  Happy with my lovely little obedient princess and my crazy old cat.  I love my life.

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Beige

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I hate beige things and I hate beige people.

What is Sensual Domination?

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For me, sensual domination is the ability to bring a submissive into subspace without the need for heavy aggression of any kind – hard pain isn’t required, neither is shouting or derogatory comments, there is no rough handling or abuse of any kind.  There’s no whips, crops, paddles or heavy spanking involved. There might be rope, sensual oils, ice, water, toys and other tools of pleasure.   I might even choose to inflict some mild pain as a compliment to the pleasure I’m giving, but it’s never pushing the submissive’s limits.

For me, sensual domination requires a lot more skill than just hitting a sub as hard as possible or shouting nasty things.  Anyone can do that. This involves a lot of practice, learning what your submissive enjoys, what mood he’s in and learning to read that mood, learning how his body reacts to different stimulants, where all his little pleasure nodes are and how to work them to your advantage and how to “build up” to subspace.  With sensual domination, it isn’t instant or quick like more sadistic methods might be, comparatively, it’s a long, slow build-up of pleasure and teasing.  It takes patience, understanding, skill and endurance to pull it off well.  

The reward being the ability to bring a submissive into subspace by gentle words, touching, rubbing, licking, kissing and pleasure, all while they’re tied up or told not to move can be much more intoxicating.  As well as that, it’s also a lot more difficult for a submissive to “snap out” of subspace while being held at a level of ecstasy and pleasure… it’s a lot easier to switch out of pain than it is, pleasure.  You can hold your submissive there for significantly longer periods of time than you can simply by beating them or inflicting pain/torture/verbal abuse.  The end result is a much more fulfilling experience, at least for me and my submissive. 

Although I enjoy both and I have sadistic tendencies, these aren’t prevalent often.  When I feel the need for sadistic release, I can do that with my sub as well.  When I don’t, I revert to my original state of being which is of a more sensual nature.

Tumblr Questionnaire

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0: Height

5’1 (155cm)

1: Virgin?

Cola? Yes please.

2: Shoe size

UK Size 4 // EU Size 37 // US Size 6.5

3: Do you smoke?

Yes

4: Do you drink?

Yes

5: Do you take drugs?

Yes

6: Age you get mistaken for

I look my age.

7: Have tattoos?

Not yet.

8: Want any tattoos?

Yeah, there’s a few I’m planning.

9: Got any piercings?

I used to have some, but allergies dictated that they be removed.

10: Want any piercings?

No

11: Best friend?

My partner.

12: Relationship status

Living with my submissive.

13: Biggest turn ons

Honesty, kindness, open-mindedness, caring nature, funny, intelligent, intersting

14: Biggest turn offs

Prudish, religion, boring, uninteresting, dishonesty, socks in bed, sheep, bad hygiene, “manly” men, brashness

15: Favorite movie

Star Trek: Nemesis

16: I’ll love you if

You convince a producer to make a new star trek series that isn’t “Enterprise”

17: Someone you miss

My favourite auntie. RIP.

18: Most traumatic experience

Being raped.

19: A fact about your personality

I’m always honest, sometimes to the point of bluntness.

20: What I hate most about myself

My lack of motivation to lose weight.

21: What I love most about myself

My ability to make my submissive feel amazing.

22: What I want to be when I get older

A crazy cat lady.

23: My relationship with my sibling(s)

I see them at funerals.

24: My relationship with my parent(s)

My father is deceased. I have an awesome relationship with my mother.

25: My idea of a perfect date

Open fire, star trek, cat, lots of weed.

26: My biggest pet peeves

Ignorance. People who can’t/won’t admit that they’re wrong, even when they know it themselves. People who can’t say sorry.

27: A description of the girl/boy I like

He has long hair, blue eyes, 2 tattoos, beautiful pale skin, he’s about 5’8, has a smile that lights up the world and is the centre of my universe. He’s kind, intelligent, he can make me laugh even when I’m at my lowest point and he’s all mine 🙂

28: A description of the person I dislike the most

A woman who thinks that the entire world should revolve around her. She’s rude, obnoxious, two-faced, likes to blame her failings on others, over-emotional and ignorant.

29: A reason I’ve lied to a friend

I haven’t.

30: What I hate the most about work/school

Haven’t had a payrise in 4 years.

31: What your last text message says

Sup?

32: What words upset me the most

Discharge.

33: What words make me feel the best about myself

I love you

34: What I find attractive in women

Strength of character, intelligence, ability to think outside the box.

35: What I find attractive in men

Same things.

36: Where I would like to live

Where I’m living.

37: One of my insecurities

My belly.

38: My childhood career choice

I wanted to be a bold explorer.

39: My favorite ice cream flavor

Honeycomb.

40: Who I wish I could be

Myself.

41: Where I want to be right now

In bed with my love.

42: The last thing I ate

Oreo cornetto. Yes, it was amazing.

43: Sexiest person that comes to my mind immediately

My partner.

44: A random fact about anything

I own a cat with one ear.

Weekend Catchup – The horrors of PMS

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This weekend was spent mostly suffering the symptoms of PMS.  Everything to erratic mood swings to swollen, painful breasts.  Urgh.  It was horrific.  At one stage, I was so angry that I wanted to smash everything in the house.  

Hulk-rage, full swing, although I tried my best to control the hormones, heading downstairs when I felt like it was becoming difficult to contain.  I lay there for a while, alone in the darkness.  My mind was swimming with dark thoughts, rage and despair.  I haven’t felt quite so out of control in ages.  

I turned over.  There he was beside me.  He’d creeped in, lay down beside me and asked if I wanted to cuddle.  I lay there for ages just holding him.  He wanted to help and wanted to know how.  I didn’t have an answer for him.  He suggested going upstairs and having a smoke, that it might chill me out a little.  He was right.  We did and it did.  

I felt like myself again, like I’d gained some element of control back.  He spent the rest of the weekend looking after me.   Ordered food on Sunday night, bought me ice-cream, gave me massages, cuddles, kisses and just chilling out with me and being with me.

This is so nice for me.  I used to have to cry to get my ex-boyfriend’s attention.  Now all I have to do is be myself and he knows me well enough to know what I’m thinking and feeling.

I love talking to him.  About everything.  We have such interesting conversations – some deep and meaningful, others silly and surreal.  I like that he’s intelligent and open-minded enough to see my (often crazy) alternative viewpoints on different topics.  He loves to ramble, and I love to listen to him.  

The PMS continues to rage and still no sign of my fucking period.  I need to get my period so that I can go back on my pill and we can start having sex again.  Obviously, we’ve been doing other stuff but, sometimes I just want to hold him down and fuck him.

Remember who you are.

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This list is something I’ve written for myself.  I wanted to write it to remember what kind of person I am, when I forget who I am.  

  • Be content with what you have.  
  • A bigger house won’t make you happier.  
  • You don’t need a car to travel.
  • Your old sofa is more comfortable than a shiny new one.  
  • A holiday is only temporary happiness, a home can provide a lifetime of happiness.  
  • A home is what you make it.  
  • Play games.  They make you happy.
  • Learn.  Read more books, it’s nice to share stories and knowledge.
  • Sit beside the fire and absorb the warmth.
  • Be content and enjoy with the little things.  
  • Have hobbies that you enjoy and enough money to support those hobbies.
  • Give.  Selfishness will only make you miserable.
  • Love.  Give all of yourself to your partner wholly and completely.  Shower them with love every day.  Cuddle them often.
  • Laugh.  
  • Don’t plan.  Planning your future before its happened makes life dull and uninteresting.
  • Never feel compelled to do something boring for an extended period of time.
  • Learn to say no.
  • Never say never.  Always try something first before deciding if you enjoy it.
  • Don’t judge.  Be less judgemental of people.
  • Love your body.  It’s the only one you have.  Take care with it but enjoy everything in moderation.
  • Forgive.  Everyone makes mistakes, even you.
  • Have your own space.  Give yourself at least a little part of every day to think about things, by yourself, to philosophise and wonder and create.
  • Be creative.  Creativity makes you happy – be it in the kitchen, the bedroom, writing or arts and crafts.
  • Take every precaution to avoid pregnancy.  You don’t want children, you’re too irresponsible and you enjoy your freedom above all else.
  • Smile more.  Smiling makes you prettier.
  • Avoid procrastination.  If something needs doing, do it.
  • Always be honest with yourself and your partner.
  • Don’t always avoid change.  Sometimes it’s necessary.
  • Watch your temper.

This list is by no means, extensive.  I will update it for myself, as and when I feel the need.