I’ve been feeling a bit emotionally fragile the past few days. I’m not really sure why. I’ve been getting enough early nights, having enough rest and chill time and eating ok. Work has been good. I’ve been having nice evenings of games, tv and cuddles.
We went to see DevilDriver on Monday night. I actually preferred their support band – Sylosis, who were fucking awesome. It was an ok gig, we didn’t get to stand as close as I’d have liked but there were too many crazies to stand any closer. After that we went back to the hotel and passed out almost immediately. Hangover came swiftly the next day and we spent most of the day zombified.
We made love on Tuesday evening. At that stage, it had been almost 4 days since my last orgasm. I was pretty tense, pent up and almost an emotional wreck. We hadn’t purposley planned on not playing for that long – I think he just had a few days where he was more tired than normal. We had lots of slow, touching, kissing, licking, nibbling, cuddling foreplay, followed by me climbing on top of him and fucking him very slowly until we both came. It was deeply satisfying. We cuddled afterwards, our naked bodies pressed close for warmth.
We had another play session on Wednesday evening, an intensely passionate affair of rubbing and touching. I used a tenga egg on him, he seemed to enjoy it, even though it popped off during the end when he was orgasm, I tried my best to compensate with my hand. I think I succeeded for the most part.
Last night, we played games and watched some tv. I don’t mind the days where we don’t have sex. But sometimes it’s hard for me not to touch him, or strip him or pin him down and use him. I feel like those things would be a breach of what we have – which is trust and respect. I try my best to behave, but sometimes when he’s sitting there, lost in his own little world of spreadsheets and tea, I want to grab him and make him mine again.
I feel like we haven’t done anything terribly kinky in a while. That’s partly due to it being winter and I don’t enjoy putting him in discomfort by making him stark naked on a freezing cold night and partly because it seems like he hasn’t really been all that interested lately in being tied up or pegged (i fucking hate that word) or dressed up, etc. It might be lack of energy, but either way, I don’t like to push when it feels like I’m being unfair. I understand that people aren’t always in the mood or don’t have the energy„ etc. At the same time, I feel like I don’t want to get into a routine of sex where we’re always doing the same thing or using the quickest method to “get off”. Sex and exploring sex is something that I am really passionately enjoy and I’ve just felt like we’ve been a bit lazy recently. When we planned on doing something like, having a dress up day or a green day, etc, it’s not happened. We’ve just lazied around and not done it.
I hate summer, but perhaps sunshine and warmth will give us a bit more energy.
Last night was a tantalising mix of orgasm denial and forced orgasm. The evening started with a slow, lazy relaxing shared bath. I had it ready for him coming in from work. We sat there and soaked, had a smoke and drank some tea. After that I prepared a strange dinner of crepes, bacon and vanilla icecream – it was Pancake Tuesday so that had to be honoured. Afterward we cuddled up on the couch and watched and spent the evening watching Better Off Ted (season 1, which I’d totally recommend) and having a smoke. We ambled down to bed at around midnight and cuddled / chatted for a bit.
My hands started wandering, as they always do when I have a lovely naked man in my bed. I began stroking him ever so slowly and softly. I told him that I wanted to use him tonight and that I wouldn’t be letting him cum for a few days. He grew harder at the prospect and lay there moaning as I brought him up to orgasm over and over again, stopping just before he couldn’t handle anymore. I decided to have one myself so I fucked him for a little bit until I came.
Afterward I held him for another while and began teasing him again, bringing him close to orgasm then stopping. He came so very close, so many times, while i used so many different techniques. One of my favourite techniques to use is getting him so horny that merely rubbing his cock with one hand, without gripping, is enough to almost send him over the edge. Without warning, I sped up and he exploded in my hand. He’d had a rough day, I wasn’t going to let him go to sleep without a nice orgasm.. He is my little pet afterall.
A few have you have sent in some questions over the past couple of months that I finally got around to asking my sub. Here they are together with his answers.
1. What first attracted you to femdom?
I found a book discarded by a bus stop when I was younger. Being quite the bookworm, I read it on the bus, and I guess the seeds of alternative lifestyles comes from there. That was my first experience with a lot of things, and I think is probably the root of some of my fetishes. The book was penny in harness by penny birch. The cover attracted me because of the latex, and I enjoyed the book. I’m not really into dressing like a horse, but I guess we all refine our tastes over time!
2. What kind of d/s experience do you have prior to your current relationship?
It just kind of creeps up on you I guess. As I get older I learn more about how I feel about stuff and what I like to do so it’s constantly evolving. I had a few experiences with older, more dominant women than I was used to, and enjoyed it a lot more than the girls around my age I dated when I was a teenager. I thought it was a maturity thing, but looking back I probably enjoyed it more due to the dynamic.
Confident, strong women are much more attractive for me. I guess I have always got a kick out of my partner being in charge, it just sits naturally with me. I had a few relationships when I was younger where, as the male I was expected to be the dominant half and there are a lot of situations I can recall where I was just uncomfortable or unsure or just thinking ‘this should be the other way around’. I still made a few wrong turns on that front, but it lead me to where I am today, and I wouldn’t change that for anything. Meeting my partner changed my life for the better in more ways than I could recap here.
3. What’s your favourite kind of play?
Fave play I flutter through different moods a lot, so it varies a lot. Generally though I’d say my favourite type of play is sensual, involving lots of teasing and intimacy. I like dressing up , it makes me feel more confident and attractive, and I like to feel involved. A middle ground between being someone’s toy and being a test subject.
Hi. I really need some advice if thats okay? I’m considering entering into a kind of dom/sub relationship with a man and I am freaking out a bit. I haven’t done this kind of thing before, although I’ve always wanted to and I really don’t know all that much and I’m really worried about fucking this up and fucking him up and hurting him in some way. Any advice or direction you can point me in would be great!
I’m going to assume that you’re intending to be the dominant part of this relationship? Is it a relationship purely based around d/s only – or do you intend on spending lots of time with this person?
It depends on what kind of relationship you want to have. What I’d do, is sit down and have a chat about what his limits might be – everyone has them… some people are into pain, some people are into a little bit of pain mixed with pleasure, some people aren’t into pain at all. All of those are fine. As well as pain, limits can also include humiliation, dressing up, dirty talk.. and probably a few other things I’ve missed.
Some guys like being pegged, others enjoy being held in chastity… some guys like being teased for hours on end and then being given a ruined orgasm. That’s all very well and good, but a lot about it is what YOU enjoy doing too. Ask yourself these questions:-
1. What do you enjoy about being in control?
2. What activities do you enjoy performing on a man for your own sexual gratification?
3. What do you want to get out of a session?
4. Do you have any particular fetishes that you want to throw into the mix?
Relationships, even D/s ones have to be 50/50. If your submissive isn’t enjoying what you’re doing to him, then you won’t get as much enjoyment out of it either. Having complete control over someone is knowing what they enjoy and knowing how to manipulate that for your own benefit. Many dommes make the mistake of just “using men” to get what they want. But it can be so much more than that. Giving pleasure can be just as fun as receiving it.
As well as talking to your partner about what things you both enjoy, limits, etc, it’s also pretty important to get feedback after a session. This goes for both parties – he might do something that you find irritating or you might have pushed him a little bit too far or done something that he didn’t particularly enjoy. Sitting back and getting perspective on what happened, asking for both negative and positive feedback is only ever a good thing. Any good d/s relationship will have this kind of interaction.
For safety 101, start here: http://evilmonk.org//a/health00.cfm
You won’t find a better BDSM safety starter guide than that.
#1 tip: Don’t watch Femdom porn for ideas.
If he isn’t much into pain, you might want to try the softer side of domination. You can read a bit about this here: http://gamerdomme.tumblr.com/post/64289393896/what-is-sensual-domination
I like to combine a nice mix of both. Even the most hardcore masochists will have nights where they come home from work and aren’t particularly in the mood for loads of pain… they might just want to be held. Even if someone is into pain, it doesn’t mean they’re into pain all the time… quite a lot of d/s relationships revolve around reading your partner’s mood, or if you don’t know – asking them. Relationships that revolve entirely around what one person wants – vanilla or D/S – usually end in a lot of unhappiness from both parties.
If you have any other questions, give me a shout. Best of luck.
I was lying down on the sofa after a pretty exhausting day. We’d had a smoke. I was completely relaxed. He put on Some Pre-Emptive Strike 1.0 at my request. He cuddled up next to me in his long blue nightie. He moved forward, eager for kisses. We kissed, long, slow kisses. I felt my hand wandering up his leg, past his skirt, up his thigh, nesting on his ass as I pulled him closer. He was seducing me, and doing a damn good job of it.
He moved closer to me, pressing his body next to mine. I pulled him closer still as we kissed, our tongues entwined, our lips moist and warm. I touched him down there, rubbed him. He moaned. I moved my leg onto his hip. He reached down and stroked my pussy from behind. He wanted more. He’s so gentle and there’s something utterly erotic and feminine about the way he moves his body. It drives me wild.
I pulled him on top of me and held his cock in my hand as I rubbed myself. I teased him for quite a while, I moaned and played with him a little. I could feel him writhing, desperate to receive stimulation as he watched me. He was so pretty, so wanting. Eventually, I pulled him down inside me. I was lost in another dimension of pleasure. Completely captive, but so was he. He fucked me, slowly at first, moving his perfect body in motion with mine. I pulled him in closer, repositioning him to hit my Gspot. It was bliss.
I came, long, hard, beautiful, everything was released, everything that I had. He came too, afterward, he lay there, still inside me, between my legs. I held onto him tightly. It was hard coming back into reality after that. We ambled down to bed and after some ramblings, he fell asleep.
Friday was good. He didn’t have internet at work, which meant we were back to oldschool texting. It was fun, felt like we were dating again. I got him to go into the bathroom at work and take me a naughty picture…. or well, I asked him to take one. I said “take a picture of the camera looking down on yourself so I can see your cock” and he ended up misunderstanding and taking a really cute picture of himself looking at his belly… we laughed pretty hard about it when we both realised that it was completely silly.
When he got home from work, we were both pretty worked up. I went downstairs for a nap, he joined me after his shower. I bent him over the bed and licked his pretty little ass as I worked on his cock. He moaned like a whore and I made him cum. He’d had a pretty stressful day at work so I figured I’d release him early and let him have a relaxing evening. He made me cum after. It was short, but sweet.
On Saturday evening, after gaming for most of the day, we had a smoke. I asked him to put his rubber skirt on and told him that he could decide on the rest of the outfit himself. He came upstairs in rubber stockings, skirt and a red pvc corset, and his collar. He looked delicious. I started off filling a bowl with hot soapy water and proceeded to clean the rubber until it was really shiny. I got a lot more pleasure from that than I’d anticipated. It was quite a different sensation. I took pride in making each little part of the rubber shine. His ass looked amazing. I probably spent too long rubbing it.
Afterwards, I put him on the floor and bound him in pvc tape by the ankles, with his wrists behind his back, also bound. I started rubbing his cock through the rubber with my hot soapy cloth, sliding it up and down. He seemed to quite enjoy it. I brought him up to orgasm. He came without producing semen. Pleased, I moved onto the vibrator, bringing him up to the same position – orgasm, but no cum. He was starting to tire at that stage (about an hour and a half into the session), so I removed the bindings, the corset, the skirt and put him up on the sofa. He was naked now, sensitive to the touch. I adorned my latex gloves, lubed my hand up and gave him a nice slow, sensual, hard orgasm. He came everywhere. It was very pleasing.
On Sunday, we went and watched the new Hobbit film (which you should totally see in 3D), which was really awesome and then had a nice meal. That evening, we played some Path, and he gave me my amazing birthday present … which is secretly something I’ve been wanting for ages now, but felt too guilty to spend the money on… a pair of GHDs! Tested them out last night, I literally have the straightest hair ever. So yeah, that was a pretty amazing birthday weekend all around.
We’ve all been in a relationship where, we were just there for the sake of it… too lazy to break-up and deal with the aftermath… then there’s always the hassle of finding another partner. Hassle. It’s hassle. It takes time, energy, money. I’ve been in relationships where I just stayed because, well, I wasn’t really really unhappy, but I wasn’t happy either. I just existed there, in that time, in that space. After a while though, just existing wasn’t enough. So I came across an article today which spoke truths:-
In order to fully understand the truth behind this situation, you have to remember that all relationships are not created equal. There is a difference between true love and dysfunctional relationships. It is very easy to attract a dysfunctional relationship, the lowest hanging fruit. Those who have not done any inner work will tend to gravitate toward anyone who comes along where they feel a little chemistry. That is why your drama-queen friends always have a man. There is plenty of dysfunction to go around and most people settle for mediocre.
Look at your friends and family. How many of them have the ideal relationship you desire? If you review your romantic history, don’t you feel that most of your past lovers were less than wonderful? Even the ones you felt heartbroken over, you probably look back now and wonder what the heck you saw in that person. You know you can have a relationship, but you don’t just want to settle. You want an extraordinary true love.
The average person settles for mediocre. They don’t learn about life or try to improve themselves. They look for the easy way, the quick fix, and the path of least resistance. Inside of everyone is a yearning for more, but it is often pushed down with blaming others, the economy, their industry and their partners for their lack of satisfaction. They are the same people who think you are the one who is crazy for doing all that self-help, touchy –feely stuff. They never want to get into deep conversations and stick to small talk and gossip.
Because you are reading this I know you are not average…far from it. Instead of suppressing that inner yearning for more, you embrace it. You decide that you are the one who can make a difference and design a life that is more fulfilling. You may tend to be hard on yourself because you want the best in your life. Don’t let this inner drive tear you down and make your wrong for not having what everyone else appears to have.
If you look closely, what most people have is not what you want. Just finding a partner or having wealth doesn’t translate into happiness. Settling for mediocre only reinforces to the person that this is all they deserve. At some level they do know they are settling but won’t admit it or are in deep denial. Don’t make comparisons to others because external appearances can be deceitful.
I don’t believe in all the bullshit therapy that she offers, but she did write a pretty sweet article. I shared the article because it rings true for so many people. There is more than that though. There is more to life. There is more to love. True love and happiness does exist. You can wake up in the morning and think “fuck yeah, I really love my life and I’m really happy”. Most of what’s holding you back from meeting that person is you and all the obstacles you put in the way.
Here’s another awesome article written by Roque Caston, a gay man, on the same topic:
In the interest of balance, another interesting article, this time looking at the topic from the opposite side of the coin, Robert E Goodin suggesting that settling for medicore can be turned into a good thing:
Last night was incredible. I got home from work in a pretty stinking mood. My wrist, which I sprained following spouts of sexual activity, hurt like fuck. We sat down, had dinner, had a smoke and watched the most incredible film called “The Libertine”. Definitely rocketed straight into number#1 on my list of “most amazing films”.
It was like one big, awesome poem set in a period setting, and best part of which, it was based on a true story about the Earl of Rochester. An interesting chap whose thinking, poetry and incredible speeches, although I disagree with a lot of them, were far beyond his generation’s thinking. Anyhow, go watch the film, right now if you haven’t seen it. We watched another film after that, while it was good, I was pretty stoned by that point and found it difficult concentrating.
At about 11:15pm, we slinked our way downstairs. There he was, in all his beautiful silky glory, adorned in a pale blue nightgown, staring back at me with his big wanton eyes. I felt such overwhelming lust for him. My heart was beating fast, my breathing heavy, I wanted to devour him. Instead, I told him to “lift your skirt and show me what’s mine”. He obeyed unquestioning. Staring at me as his skirt slid up his pale thighs, exposing his cock which was rock hard and begging to be touched. I rubbed him for a while, his thighs, his cock, his cute little ass. He moaned and squirmed, absorbing the attention.
I told him to pull down his skirt and close his legs, that it was no way for a lady to behave. I scratched him, I pulled on his nipples, I choked him a little and slapped his little asshole. He blushed and looked up at me, a cute shameful look on his gorgeous face. I told him to pull his skirt up again and he obeyed. I lubricated my hand and began rubbing him again from his ass to the tip of his cock in long, slow strokes. He moaned, barely able to contain himself. I told him that I wanted to fuck his ass. I got a dildo and inserted it inside him and began fucking his ass with the dildo as I fucked his cock with my lubricated hand. He writhed around the bed, moaning loudly and begged me to let him cum. I let him.
After a little chill time and some cuddles, I put his fingers inside me and came almost immediately. I made quite a mess of the bed. We talked for a while after, a long while. I went to sleep smiling, contented, satisfied and feeling like the luckiest lady in all the world.