d/s relationship

Lethargy?

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I’ve been feeling a bit emotionally fragile the past few days.  I’m not really sure why.  I’ve been getting enough early nights, having enough rest and chill time and eating ok.  Work has been good.  I’ve been having nice evenings of games, tv and cuddles.

We went to see DevilDriver on Monday night.  I actually preferred their support band – Sylosis, who were fucking awesome.  It was an ok gig, we didn’t get to stand as close as I’d have liked but there were too many crazies to stand any closer.  After that we went back to the hotel and passed out almost immediately.  Hangover came swiftly the next day and we spent most of the day zombified.

We made love on Tuesday evening.  At that stage, it had been almost 4 days since my last orgasm.  I was pretty tense, pent up and almost an emotional wreck.  We hadn’t purposley planned on not playing for that long – I think he just had a few days where he was more tired than normal.  We had lots of slow, touching, kissing, licking, nibbling, cuddling foreplay, followed by me climbing on top of him and fucking him very slowly until we both came.  It was deeply satisfying.  We cuddled afterwards, our naked bodies pressed close for warmth.

We had another play session on Wednesday evening, an intensely passionate affair of rubbing and touching.  I used a tenga egg on him, he seemed to enjoy it, even though it popped off during the end when he was orgasm, I tried my best to compensate with my hand.  I think I succeeded for the most part.

Last night, we played games and watched some tv.  I don’t mind the days where we don’t have sex.  But sometimes it’s hard for me not to touch him, or strip him or pin him down and use him.  I feel like those things would be a breach of what we have – which is trust and respect.  I try my best to behave, but sometimes when he’s sitting there, lost in his own little world of spreadsheets and tea, I want to grab him and make him mine again.

I feel like we haven’t done anything terribly kinky in a while.  That’s partly due to it being winter and I don’t enjoy putting him in discomfort by making him stark naked on a freezing cold night and partly because it seems like he hasn’t really been all that interested lately in being tied up or pegged (i fucking hate that word) or dressed up, etc.  It might be lack of energy, but either way, I don’t like to push when it feels like I’m being unfair.   I understand that people aren’t always in the mood or don’t  have the energy„ etc.  At the same time, I feel like I don’t want to get into a routine of sex where we’re always doing the same thing or using the quickest method to “get off”.  Sex and exploring sex is something that I am really passionately enjoy and I’ve just felt like we’ve been a bit lazy recently.  When we planned on doing something like, having a dress up day or a green day, etc, it’s not happened.  We’ve just lazied around and not done it.

I hate summer, but perhaps sunshine and warmth will give us a bit more energy.

Pancake Tuesday

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Last night was a tantalising mix of orgasm denial and forced orgasm.  The evening started with a slow, lazy relaxing shared bath.  I had it ready for him coming in from work.  We sat there and soaked, had a smoke and drank some tea.  After that I prepared a strange dinner of crepes, bacon and vanilla icecream – it was Pancake Tuesday so that had to be honoured.  Afterward we cuddled up on the couch and watched and spent the evening watching Better Off Ted (season 1, which I’d totally recommend) and having a smoke.  We ambled down to bed at around midnight and cuddled / chatted for a bit.

My hands started wandering, as they always do when I have a lovely naked man in my bed.  I began stroking him ever so slowly and softly.  I told him that I wanted to use him tonight and that I wouldn’t be letting him cum for a few days.  He grew harder at the prospect and lay there moaning as I brought him up to orgasm over and over again, stopping just before he couldn’t handle anymore.  I decided to have one myself so I fucked him for a little bit until I came. 

Afterward I held him for another while and began teasing him again, bringing him close to orgasm then stopping.  He came so very close, so many times, while i used so many different techniques.  One of my favourite techniques to use is getting him so horny that merely rubbing his cock with one hand, without gripping, is enough to almost send him over the edge.  Without warning, I sped up and he exploded in my hand.  He’d had a rough day, I wasn’t going to let him go to sleep without a nice orgasm..  He is my little pet afterall.

My Submissive – Q&A

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A few have you have sent in some questions over the past couple of months that I finally got around to asking my sub.  Here they are  together with his answers.

1. What first attracted you to femdom?

I found a book discarded by a bus stop when I was younger. Being quite the bookworm, I read it on the bus, and I guess the seeds of alternative lifestyles comes from there. That was my first experience with a lot of things, and I think is probably the root of some of my fetishes. The book was penny in harness by penny birch. The cover attracted me because of the latex, and I enjoyed the book. I’m not really into dressing like a horse, but I guess we all refine our tastes over time!

2. What kind of d/s experience do you have prior to your current relationship?

It just kind of creeps up on you I guess. As I get older I learn more about how I feel about stuff and what I like to do so it’s constantly evolving. I had a few experiences with older, more dominant women than I was used to, and enjoyed it a lot more than the girls around my age I dated when I was a teenager. I thought it was a maturity thing, but looking back I probably enjoyed it more due to the dynamic.

Confident, strong women are much more attractive for me. I guess I have always got a kick out of my partner being in charge, it just sits naturally with me. I had a few relationships when I was younger where, as the male I was expected to be the dominant half and there are a lot of situations I can recall where I was just uncomfortable or unsure or just thinking ‘this should be the other way around’. I still made a few wrong turns on that front, but it lead me to where I am today, and I wouldn’t change that for anything. Meeting my partner changed my life for the better in more ways than I could recap here.

3. What’s your favourite kind of play?

Fave play I flutter through different moods a lot, so it varies a lot. Generally though I’d say my favourite type of play is sensual, involving lots of teasing and intimacy. I like dressing up , it makes me feel more confident and attractive, and I like to feel involved. A middle ground between being someone’s toy and being a test subject.

4. What’s your favourite outfit?
I have two. One is my maid costume.. black pvc with wet-look stockings and opera gloves, with matching frilly fingerless gloves and hair tie. This will always be special for me because it was the first full outfit I put together for myself that I was fully happy with. The other is a red dress my partner got me. I think this just reminds me of how well she knows me. It’s so perfectly something that I love that it just blows me away. I have so many lovely clothes from her it’s honestly hard to pick a favourite! Other top ones would be the shimmery short dresses she got me, a gold dress that was super cheap and fabulous, and all my shoes . I love heels. A lot.
5. What are you like outside of your relationship, with other people – what kind of person are you?
A hard question to answer hehe. I like to think that I am a nice, easy going, easy to get along with, intelligent and occasionally witty. However, I also know im chronically lazy, prone to outbursts of long and wittery prose and/ or rambling speeches, and I find it terribly hard to pretend to take an interest in people’s children. I’m not rude, I just find it difficult to engage with people over stuff I have zero interest in. I’m also very good at putting things off! Whilst my bank balance probably appreciates it, given how many clothes sit in my eBay folder on my computer, the sometimes overflowing bin in our house rumbles with discontent. I also love cuddles, pokemon, computer games, books, films, scifi and music. I have such an eclectic taste in stuff.
I can listen to jazz and death metal in the same evening. I also do have a hefty streak of obsessive behavior. When I’m interested in stuff, I can really get into it. For recent examples, see my pokemon breeding spreadsheet, or my 12 weeks of sneaky research to give my partner a lovely valentines day! I guess in the bedroom I vary wildly from being hyper slutty to delicate and unsure of myself. No idea why, but I guess I just like to go with how I’m feeling.
6. What tips would you give to a submissive man wanting to find a dominant woman?  What pitfalls would you avoid?
Go out and do things you like. Go to meetups and keep your expectations realistic. You wouldn’t expect a woman you met in a bar to fall in love with you because you bought her a cocktail, it’s not different just because she’s wielding a cane. You’ll be more likely to meet someone you get on with if you’re doing stuff you like. If I met a woman at a Tory conference, we’re not gonna be compatible just because I thaught she looked good in a suit.
Pitfalls: Don’t lie or exaggerate yourself for an internet profile. People will see through you the second you meet them. Don’t go looking for just a domme.. People are complicated and everyone is different. No use hooking up with someone you find attractive only to realise that you don’t have anything
7. Can you picture yourself in a non-d/s relationship?
Probably not. It’s been my experience that aspects of the ds relationship fit so well with my personality that I’d end up being unhappy and missing those things. Not just sexually, but I couldn’t have a relationship with someone who didn’t understand my submissive side.
8. What’s your favourite toy?
I’d say that the magic wand is my favourite, just because of its versatility. Its fun whether I’m feeling slutty or delicate.
If you have any more questions for me or him, ask them here.

Hi. I really need some advice if thats okay? I’m considering entering into a kind of dom/sub relationship with a man and I am freaking out a bit. I haven’t done this kind of thing before, although I’ve always wanted to and I really don’t know all that much and I’m really worried about fucking this up and fucking him up and hurting him in some way. Any advice or direction you can point me in would be great!

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I’m going to assume that you’re intending to be the dominant part of this relationship?   Is it a relationship purely based around d/s only – or do you intend on spending lots of time with this person?

It depends on what kind of relationship you want to have.  What I’d do, is sit down and have a chat about what his limits might be – everyone has them… some people are into pain, some people are into a little bit of pain mixed with pleasure, some people aren’t into pain at all.  All of those are fine.  As well as pain, limits can also include humiliation, dressing up, dirty talk.. and probably a few other things I’ve missed.

Some guys like being pegged, others enjoy being held in chastity… some guys like being teased for hours on end and then being given a ruined orgasm.  That’s all very well and good, but a lot about it is what YOU enjoy doing too.  Ask yourself these questions:-

1. What do you enjoy about being in control?

2. What activities do you enjoy performing on a man for your own sexual gratification?

3. What do you want to get out of a session?

4. Do you have any particular fetishes that you want to throw into the mix?

Relationships, even D/s ones have to be 50/50.  If your submissive isn’t enjoying what you’re doing to him, then you won’t get as much enjoyment out of it either.  Having complete control over someone is knowing what they enjoy and knowing how to manipulate that for your own benefit.  Many dommes make the mistake of just “using men” to get what they want.  But it can be so much more than that.  Giving pleasure can be just as fun as receiving it.

As well as talking to your partner about what things you both enjoy, limits, etc, it’s also pretty important to get feedback after a session.  This goes for both parties – he might do something that you find irritating or you might have pushed him a little bit too far or done something that he didn’t particularly enjoy.  Sitting back and getting perspective on what happened, asking for both negative and positive feedback is only ever a good thing.  Any good d/s relationship will have this kind of interaction.

For safety 101, start here: http://evilmonk.org//a/health00.cfm

You won’t find a better BDSM safety starter guide than that.

#1 tip: Don’t watch Femdom porn for ideas.

If he isn’t much into pain, you might want to try the softer side of domination.  You can read a bit about this here: http://gamerdomme.tumblr.com/post/64289393896/what-is-sensual-domination

I like to combine a nice mix of both.  Even the most hardcore masochists will have nights where they come home from work and aren’t particularly in the mood for loads of pain… they might just want to be held.  Even if someone is into pain, it doesn’t mean they’re into pain all the time… quite a lot of d/s relationships revolve around reading your partner’s mood, or if you don’t know – asking them.  Relationships that revolve entirely around what one person wants – vanilla or D/S – usually end in a lot of unhappiness from both parties.

If you have any other questions, give me a shout.  Best of luck. 

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What dating would be like if men and women switched their roles.

I think I was born the wrong gender.

Simple Seduction

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I was lying down on the sofa after a pretty exhausting day.  We’d had a smoke.  I was completely relaxed.  He put on Some Pre-Emptive Strike 1.0 at my request.  He cuddled up next to me in his long blue nightie.  He moved forward, eager for kisses.  We kissed, long, slow kisses.  I felt my hand wandering up his leg, past his skirt, up his thigh, nesting on his ass as I pulled him closer.  He was seducing me, and doing a damn good job of it.

He moved closer to me, pressing his body next to mine.  I pulled him closer still as we kissed, our tongues entwined, our lips moist and warm.  I touched him down there, rubbed him.  He moaned.  I moved my leg onto his hip.  He reached down and stroked my pussy from behind.  He wanted more. He’s so gentle and there’s something utterly erotic and feminine about the way he moves his body. It drives me wild.

I pulled him on top of me and held his cock in my hand as I rubbed myself.  I teased him for quite a while, I  moaned and played with him a little.  I could feel him writhing, desperate to receive stimulation as he watched me.  He was so pretty, so wanting.  Eventually, I pulled him down inside me.  I was lost in another dimension of pleasure. Completely captive, but so was he.  He fucked me, slowly at first, moving his perfect body in motion with mine.  I pulled him in closer, repositioning him to hit my Gspot.  It was bliss.  

I came, long, hard, beautiful, everything was released, everything that I had.  He came too, afterward, he lay there, still inside me, between my legs.  I held onto him tightly.  It was hard coming back into reality after that.  We ambled down to bed and after some ramblings, he fell asleep.

Weekend Birthday Fun

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Friday was good.  He didn’t have internet at work, which meant we were back to oldschool texting.  It was fun, felt like we were dating again.  I got him to go into the bathroom at work and take me a naughty picture…. or well, I asked him to take one.  I said “take a picture of the camera looking down on yourself so I can see your cock” and he ended up misunderstanding and taking a  really cute picture of himself looking at his belly… we laughed pretty hard about it when we both realised that it was completely silly.

When he got home from work, we were both pretty worked up.  I went downstairs for a nap, he joined me after his shower.  I bent him over the bed and licked his pretty little ass as I worked on his cock.  He moaned like a whore and I made him cum.  He’d had a pretty stressful day at work so I figured I’d release him early and let him have a relaxing evening.  He made me cum after.  It was short, but sweet.

On Saturday evening, after gaming for most of the day, we had a smoke.  I asked him to put his rubber skirt on and told him that he could decide on the rest of the outfit himself.  He came upstairs in rubber stockings, skirt and a red pvc corset, and his collar.  He looked delicious.  I started off filling a bowl with hot soapy water and proceeded to clean the rubber until it was really shiny.  I got a lot more pleasure from that than I’d anticipated.  It was quite a different sensation.  I took pride in making each little part of the rubber shine.  His ass looked amazing. I probably spent too long rubbing it.

Afterwards, I put him on the floor and bound him in pvc tape by the ankles, with his wrists behind his back, also bound.  I started rubbing his cock through the rubber with my hot soapy cloth, sliding it up and down.  He seemed to quite enjoy it.  I brought him up to orgasm.  He came without producing semen.  Pleased, I moved onto the vibrator, bringing him up to the same position – orgasm, but no cum.  He was starting to tire at that stage (about an hour and a half into the session), so I removed the bindings, the corset, the skirt and put him up on the sofa.  He was naked now, sensitive to the touch.  I adorned my latex gloves, lubed my hand up and gave him a nice slow, sensual, hard orgasm.  He came everywhere.  It was very pleasing.

On Sunday, we went and watched the new Hobbit film (which you should totally see in 3D), which was really awesome and then had a nice meal.  That evening, we played some Path, and he gave me my amazing birthday present … which is secretly something I’ve been wanting for ages now, but felt too guilty to spend the money on… a pair of GHDs! Tested them out last night, I literally have the straightest hair ever.  So yeah, that was a pretty amazing birthday weekend all around.