d/s

Pancake Tuesday

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Last night was a tantalising mix of orgasm denial and forced orgasm.  The evening started with a slow, lazy relaxing shared bath.  I had it ready for him coming in from work.  We sat there and soaked, had a smoke and drank some tea.  After that I prepared a strange dinner of crepes, bacon and vanilla icecream – it was Pancake Tuesday so that had to be honoured.  Afterward we cuddled up on the couch and watched and spent the evening watching Better Off Ted (season 1, which I’d totally recommend) and having a smoke.  We ambled down to bed at around midnight and cuddled / chatted for a bit.

My hands started wandering, as they always do when I have a lovely naked man in my bed.  I began stroking him ever so slowly and softly.  I told him that I wanted to use him tonight and that I wouldn’t be letting him cum for a few days.  He grew harder at the prospect and lay there moaning as I brought him up to orgasm over and over again, stopping just before he couldn’t handle anymore.  I decided to have one myself so I fucked him for a little bit until I came. 

Afterward I held him for another while and began teasing him again, bringing him close to orgasm then stopping.  He came so very close, so many times, while i used so many different techniques.  One of my favourite techniques to use is getting him so horny that merely rubbing his cock with one hand, without gripping, is enough to almost send him over the edge.  Without warning, I sped up and he exploded in my hand.  He’d had a rough day, I wasn’t going to let him go to sleep without a nice orgasm..  He is my little pet afterall.

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My Submissive – Q&A

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A few have you have sent in some questions over the past couple of months that I finally got around to asking my sub.  Here they are  together with his answers.

1. What first attracted you to femdom?

I found a book discarded by a bus stop when I was younger. Being quite the bookworm, I read it on the bus, and I guess the seeds of alternative lifestyles comes from there. That was my first experience with a lot of things, and I think is probably the root of some of my fetishes. The book was penny in harness by penny birch. The cover attracted me because of the latex, and I enjoyed the book. I’m not really into dressing like a horse, but I guess we all refine our tastes over time!

2. What kind of d/s experience do you have prior to your current relationship?

It just kind of creeps up on you I guess. As I get older I learn more about how I feel about stuff and what I like to do so it’s constantly evolving. I had a few experiences with older, more dominant women than I was used to, and enjoyed it a lot more than the girls around my age I dated when I was a teenager. I thought it was a maturity thing, but looking back I probably enjoyed it more due to the dynamic.

Confident, strong women are much more attractive for me. I guess I have always got a kick out of my partner being in charge, it just sits naturally with me. I had a few relationships when I was younger where, as the male I was expected to be the dominant half and there are a lot of situations I can recall where I was just uncomfortable or unsure or just thinking ‘this should be the other way around’. I still made a few wrong turns on that front, but it lead me to where I am today, and I wouldn’t change that for anything. Meeting my partner changed my life for the better in more ways than I could recap here.

3. What’s your favourite kind of play?

Fave play I flutter through different moods a lot, so it varies a lot. Generally though I’d say my favourite type of play is sensual, involving lots of teasing and intimacy. I like dressing up , it makes me feel more confident and attractive, and I like to feel involved. A middle ground between being someone’s toy and being a test subject.

4. What’s your favourite outfit?
I have two. One is my maid costume.. black pvc with wet-look stockings and opera gloves, with matching frilly fingerless gloves and hair tie. This will always be special for me because it was the first full outfit I put together for myself that I was fully happy with. The other is a red dress my partner got me. I think this just reminds me of how well she knows me. It’s so perfectly something that I love that it just blows me away. I have so many lovely clothes from her it’s honestly hard to pick a favourite! Other top ones would be the shimmery short dresses she got me, a gold dress that was super cheap and fabulous, and all my shoes . I love heels. A lot.
5. What are you like outside of your relationship, with other people – what kind of person are you?
A hard question to answer hehe. I like to think that I am a nice, easy going, easy to get along with, intelligent and occasionally witty. However, I also know im chronically lazy, prone to outbursts of long and wittery prose and/ or rambling speeches, and I find it terribly hard to pretend to take an interest in people’s children. I’m not rude, I just find it difficult to engage with people over stuff I have zero interest in. I’m also very good at putting things off! Whilst my bank balance probably appreciates it, given how many clothes sit in my eBay folder on my computer, the sometimes overflowing bin in our house rumbles with discontent. I also love cuddles, pokemon, computer games, books, films, scifi and music. I have such an eclectic taste in stuff.
I can listen to jazz and death metal in the same evening. I also do have a hefty streak of obsessive behavior. When I’m interested in stuff, I can really get into it. For recent examples, see my pokemon breeding spreadsheet, or my 12 weeks of sneaky research to give my partner a lovely valentines day! I guess in the bedroom I vary wildly from being hyper slutty to delicate and unsure of myself. No idea why, but I guess I just like to go with how I’m feeling.
6. What tips would you give to a submissive man wanting to find a dominant woman?  What pitfalls would you avoid?
Go out and do things you like. Go to meetups and keep your expectations realistic. You wouldn’t expect a woman you met in a bar to fall in love with you because you bought her a cocktail, it’s not different just because she’s wielding a cane. You’ll be more likely to meet someone you get on with if you’re doing stuff you like. If I met a woman at a Tory conference, we’re not gonna be compatible just because I thaught she looked good in a suit.
Pitfalls: Don’t lie or exaggerate yourself for an internet profile. People will see through you the second you meet them. Don’t go looking for just a domme.. People are complicated and everyone is different. No use hooking up with someone you find attractive only to realise that you don’t have anything
7. Can you picture yourself in a non-d/s relationship?
Probably not. It’s been my experience that aspects of the ds relationship fit so well with my personality that I’d end up being unhappy and missing those things. Not just sexually, but I couldn’t have a relationship with someone who didn’t understand my submissive side.
8. What’s your favourite toy?
I’d say that the magic wand is my favourite, just because of its versatility. Its fun whether I’m feeling slutty or delicate.
If you have any more questions for me or him, ask them here.

Hi. I really need some advice if thats okay? I’m considering entering into a kind of dom/sub relationship with a man and I am freaking out a bit. I haven’t done this kind of thing before, although I’ve always wanted to and I really don’t know all that much and I’m really worried about fucking this up and fucking him up and hurting him in some way. Any advice or direction you can point me in would be great!

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I’m going to assume that you’re intending to be the dominant part of this relationship?   Is it a relationship purely based around d/s only – or do you intend on spending lots of time with this person?

It depends on what kind of relationship you want to have.  What I’d do, is sit down and have a chat about what his limits might be – everyone has them… some people are into pain, some people are into a little bit of pain mixed with pleasure, some people aren’t into pain at all.  All of those are fine.  As well as pain, limits can also include humiliation, dressing up, dirty talk.. and probably a few other things I’ve missed.

Some guys like being pegged, others enjoy being held in chastity… some guys like being teased for hours on end and then being given a ruined orgasm.  That’s all very well and good, but a lot about it is what YOU enjoy doing too.  Ask yourself these questions:-

1. What do you enjoy about being in control?

2. What activities do you enjoy performing on a man for your own sexual gratification?

3. What do you want to get out of a session?

4. Do you have any particular fetishes that you want to throw into the mix?

Relationships, even D/s ones have to be 50/50.  If your submissive isn’t enjoying what you’re doing to him, then you won’t get as much enjoyment out of it either.  Having complete control over someone is knowing what they enjoy and knowing how to manipulate that for your own benefit.  Many dommes make the mistake of just “using men” to get what they want.  But it can be so much more than that.  Giving pleasure can be just as fun as receiving it.

As well as talking to your partner about what things you both enjoy, limits, etc, it’s also pretty important to get feedback after a session.  This goes for both parties – he might do something that you find irritating or you might have pushed him a little bit too far or done something that he didn’t particularly enjoy.  Sitting back and getting perspective on what happened, asking for both negative and positive feedback is only ever a good thing.  Any good d/s relationship will have this kind of interaction.

For safety 101, start here: http://evilmonk.org//a/health00.cfm

You won’t find a better BDSM safety starter guide than that.

#1 tip: Don’t watch Femdom porn for ideas.

If he isn’t much into pain, you might want to try the softer side of domination.  You can read a bit about this here: http://gamerdomme.tumblr.com/post/64289393896/what-is-sensual-domination

I like to combine a nice mix of both.  Even the most hardcore masochists will have nights where they come home from work and aren’t particularly in the mood for loads of pain… they might just want to be held.  Even if someone is into pain, it doesn’t mean they’re into pain all the time… quite a lot of d/s relationships revolve around reading your partner’s mood, or if you don’t know – asking them.  Relationships that revolve entirely around what one person wants – vanilla or D/S – usually end in a lot of unhappiness from both parties.

If you have any other questions, give me a shout.  Best of luck. 

Simple Seduction

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I was lying down on the sofa after a pretty exhausting day.  We’d had a smoke.  I was completely relaxed.  He put on Some Pre-Emptive Strike 1.0 at my request.  He cuddled up next to me in his long blue nightie.  He moved forward, eager for kisses.  We kissed, long, slow kisses.  I felt my hand wandering up his leg, past his skirt, up his thigh, nesting on his ass as I pulled him closer.  He was seducing me, and doing a damn good job of it.

He moved closer to me, pressing his body next to mine.  I pulled him closer still as we kissed, our tongues entwined, our lips moist and warm.  I touched him down there, rubbed him.  He moaned.  I moved my leg onto his hip.  He reached down and stroked my pussy from behind.  He wanted more. He’s so gentle and there’s something utterly erotic and feminine about the way he moves his body. It drives me wild.

I pulled him on top of me and held his cock in my hand as I rubbed myself.  I teased him for quite a while, I  moaned and played with him a little.  I could feel him writhing, desperate to receive stimulation as he watched me.  He was so pretty, so wanting.  Eventually, I pulled him down inside me.  I was lost in another dimension of pleasure. Completely captive, but so was he.  He fucked me, slowly at first, moving his perfect body in motion with mine.  I pulled him in closer, repositioning him to hit my Gspot.  It was bliss.  

I came, long, hard, beautiful, everything was released, everything that I had.  He came too, afterward, he lay there, still inside me, between my legs.  I held onto him tightly.  It was hard coming back into reality after that.  We ambled down to bed and after some ramblings, he fell asleep.

Sex, Video Games and Rock n Roll

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Friday evening saw us having a really lazy evening.  I didn’t even bother cooking.  Got a load of “snacks” from the shop on the way home from work which included chocolate, crisps, popcorn, and other nibbles.  We had a smoke, watched a film and snuggled up on the sofa.  We stopped at 8pm to do a few of the Path of Exile races. We retired to the sofa again. We were watching Bathory – a film about a hungarian lady in the 15th century.  It was pretty cool. My hand wandered down his chest and I played with him until he came. 

Saturday I was woken early by the cat, and got up and made our favorite breakfast (sausage, eggs, potato bread and ketchup).  We sat down on the couch to eat it and watched another film.  We were having an “epics” weekend, so we watched Kingdom of Heaven, Troy.. The day progressed and we moved from the sofa to the PC, some path of exile, and back again.  So it continued in a lazy haze.  In the evening, I ran a bath for us and we sat there in the bath for ages having a good old chat about random stuff.  Afterwards, I lay an outfit on the bed for him… a blue dress with a frilly ballerina skirt and a frilly red petticoat.  He adorned it and I met him upstairs again. I put some music on, I think we listened to Opeth.

I placed him on his knees on the couch, the back of it supporting most of his body and bound his wrists to the bannister.  I decided to for a non-vibrating toy, as it had been a while since I used that one.  It’s a nexus glide, he quite enjoys it – it’s a hard toy so it’s a little trickier to get in than a jelly toy.  Once inside, my right hand worked on stimulating his prostate with the toy while my left worked on gently stimulating his cock.  I had him gagged.  I kept him on edge for a very long time.  Halfway through, I decided to lube my left hand up as well and proceeded to fuck him in the ass with the toy as his cock was forced in and out of my slippery hand.  He came pretty hard and sat there for a while, dangling off his binds and shaking.  I love how his body quivers when he orgasms.  I love holding him afterwards.

By Sunday, my period was completely gone.  We did the usual stuff during the day.  Our tastes in films switched to vampire films and we ended up watching Interview with a Vampire and Underworld.  We took a shower later that evening and afterward, he surprised me by dressing up in his fabulous long, gold evening dress.  He looked divine.  I was so pleased that he’d decided to dress up for me, without my instruction.  I welcomed him into bed and rubbed his cock through his dress for a little bit.  I lay on my back giving him full run of my body.  I was looking forward to my orgasm so much, with the period – it felt like my body was going to explode… it’d been days since I’d cum.  After a while, he asked if he wanted him to lick me.  I told him that I’d like that very much, and he proceeded downwards.  The images of the weekend were fresh in my head, and I could feel myself building up more and more. Each stroke of his tongue drove me crazy.  His beard rubbed softly against my clit and his fingers penetrated me teasing my g-spot.

I was soaking, I was also a little tense as I felt like I was about to unleash a waterfall onto his face while he was licking me.  Just before he made me cum, I stopped him and told him to fuck me.  Every thrust felt like heaven. I love the way his body moves and his hair falls over his face. I love the way his back arches.  I came hard and fast but that wasn’t it over…  After some sensitivity, I allowed him to continue because it still felt amazing and I wanted more, he made me cum again and again.  The orgasms melted into each other and into my body.  I almost blacked out.  He came on my third and I saw stars.  It was incredible.  My whole body felt like it was no longer aching and wanting, that it was completely and utterly at peace.  I slumped for a few minutes.  The orgasms gave me a little burst of energy and I asked him if he wanted to go upstairs again and play some more Path.  So we did.

Image credits

niavaah

Miss-Sheepy

Vampval

Lego Femdom

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Lego femdom  – anyone?

The red bottom is an awesome touch.

What my dominance means to me

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My dominance. It’s dark. It’s rich. It’s complex. It has layers of flavor and texture and emotion, all so tangled up in each other. A scene isn’t a “scene”. Playing isn’t “play”.  This is our whole existence now.  I  know you inside out, heart, soul, brain, body, every single fibre of their being.

I am your Domme and I take my job very, very seriously. I spend a lot of time getting to know who you are, what you’ve gone through in your life, what your submission looks like… and, what it doesn’t. I need to know not just what all your boundaries are, but why you have them. I want to poke around in all the dark corners of your brain, and see what you have hiding back there, behind all of the cobwebs. I want to look at all of your carefully constructed walls and then take them apart, piece by agonizing piece. I want raw, brutal, unfiltered honesty. I want to see the you that you don’t show the rest of the world. I want to push your limits and show you that you are much more than you think you are… that you are capable of more, that you can give me more.

When we are “playing”, I am not catering to an audience. I don’t see, hear, smell or taste anyone but you, in those moments. Sometimes, I will take more than you were willing to give. Sometimes, there will be demands made of you that you don’t think you’re capable of meeting. I want to leave you shaken, torn, emptied… and then slowly put the pieces back. Not where you had them, but where I want them to be, because they are my pieces, now.  I want you to be satisfied with your experiences.  I want  you to glow inside, knowing that you are mine and mine alone.

There is an overwhelmingly violent attraction to your vulnerability. It makes me lick my teeth and eye you like my last meal. It makes me want to both devour you and nurture you. It’s a terrible duplicity that leaves me vulnerable, too.

Intimacy colours everything. I am completely and utterly in love with you and while sometimes, it’s terrifying, it’s completely worth it.  I can barely remember what my life was like before I met you.  What I was like.  I feel like me now.

I very much enjoy the softer, more sensual play lately, as I’ve gotten to know you over the past year. It’s something I like to dabble in more and more frequently.  Using and teasing your body, moulding and shaping you into what I want.  It’s almost an art form.  I think there is merit in it… in playing to someone’s sexuality, in surprising them with moments of intense pain instead of overwhelming them with it… in handfuls of hair and dark whispers.  I enjoy nothing more than watching you writhe and squirm and moan.  I love knowing that I’m responsible for your extacy, your loss of control.

I smile and add it to the list of things I enjoy doing with you. It’s a surprising revelation to me. I am not soft and gentle.  I’ve never been described as that.  I’ve been described as intimidating, but never gentle. We’ve grown together, you and I.