female dominant

Sub Roll

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Or a sub roll.  I’m good with a sub roll.

Lego Femdom

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Lego femdom  – anyone?

The red bottom is an awesome touch.

what are your views on CBT?

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CBT (Cock and Ball Torture) isn’t something I’m into personally. Genital abuse of any kind doesn’t really get my sadistic juices flowing.  For me – it’s too far down the scale of the types of pain I enjoy inflicting.  

It is something that’s heavily associated with Femdom, at least in porn.  I believe that there are more people out there who  haven’t tried it who think they might like it, but probably don’t.  One of those fantasies you enjoy thinking about but never actually want to do.  Then there are other couples who are really into it and practice it safely, and that’s great.

Seriously though, I’d also be really careful with this one – an inexperienced domme who doesn’t know exactly what she’s doing in this area can cause long-term damage to your most precious region and that’s not fun.  

No#1 Rule of BDSM: Safety first, always.

No#2 Rule of BDSM: Is the person you’ve left in charge of your body as concerned with safety as you are?  If not, don’t let them anywhere near you.

No#3 Rule of BDSM: Educate yourself.  As a submissive or a dominant, you should always be aware of the risks involved and the right and wrong way to do things.

Best of luck.

How NOT to talk to women on Fetlife

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Ok, before I give you a giggle at some of the more ridiculous private messages I’ve got over the past month on Fetlife, I think it’s important to note that my profile clearly says in HUGE and clear writing that I’m in a monogamous relationship with my submissive and that I’m on Fetlife to share ideas and thoughts, not to engage in intimate conversations or seek any more submissives.  You can see that I’ve replied to some in a desperate attempt to at least make them think before PMing, and others I’ve just… well, they’re probably lost causes.

I’ve blocked any names and images for privacy reasons.

I’m here to educate, not to mock.  I think my next blog should most definitely be about “How to engage in a conversation with a female dominant”. …. I could even change that to “How to engage in conversation with any sane female”..?  Surely it can’t be so difficult?  I guess it is, considering that probably 9 out of 10 messages I get on Fetlife are like this.  No I’m not joking.  

If you have some suggestions for social interaction via BDSM sites, please feel free to send them to me.

Sensual weekend session

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Hazy weekend.  Probably smoked too much.  It helped with the inevitable frustration that I feel after having gone an entire week without orgasming and the pain and the PMS-rage.  Stupid period.  As well as managing to complete the entire of Dragon Age 2 in one weekend, we also had some fun.

I picked something out for him to wear and gave it to him, telling him to change upstairs.  I went with a cute red dress, black suspender belt, stockings and black heeled boots.  He also wore his chastity device. I sat him down on a cushioned, wooden chair.  I bound his hands behind his back to the chair with PVC tape and bound his ankles to either side of the chair so his legs were spread apart.  I tied his chest and neck to the chair with some rope, meaning if he leant forward or attempted to get free, the rope around his neck would prevent him.  I warned him to remain calm and still or he may hurt himself through mild choking. 

I then blindfolded him and let him sit there for a few minutes.  When his blindfold was removed, he found a vibrator strapped between his legs and some sensual lesbian porn on the screen in front of him.  I told him to watch the screen.  I sat behind him for a while, kissing his neck, cheeks, shoulders, touching his body, feeling it tingle and shudder at the prospect of the vibrator.  After a while, I turned the vibrator on.  It was about an inch away from his cock.  I left it on, so that he could feel the vibrations of the air around him, knowing it was there, but not actually being able to feel it.  

After a while, I noticed him starting to shift around, wanting to be touched.  I moved the vibrator closer so that it was in direct contact with his chastity device.  He moaned immediately and attempted to keep his body still while he was enjoying the pleasure of being touched.  I reminded him that he needed to keep watching the screen.  At this stage, the lesbians were licking each other and I could see that he was very close to cumming.  He was leaking everywhere.  I told him to remove the chastity device and he did so, I allowed him one hand to do this and immediately tied it back up again once the device was removed.

I turned the vibrator off and sat behind him again, holding him by his neck, forcing his head in the direction of the porn.  I nibbled on his ear, kissed his neck again, licked his lips, whispered in his ear.  I reached down with my hand and started toying with his cock while I had my other arm around his neck.  I stroked him slowly, but powerfully.  I used the vibrator a few more times to tease him, putting it up against my hand so that he could feel the vibrations as I stroked him and eventually, brought him to orgasm.

I untied him and held him for a bit, stroking his beautiful long hair.  

Midweek – Cum & Cuddles

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Last night, I took him down to bed early.  I picked a pretty red dress, black suspender belt and tan stockings for him to wear with long silky pink gloves.  I lay in bed and watched him get dressed.  He’s a little bit more gentle now with the stockings.  I could do it for him so that the stockings aren’t damaged or laddered but then, he’d never learn.  

Once he’d finished dressing, he climbed into bed and lay down beside me. Those beautiful big blue eyes staring  up at me from the pale hue of his ivory skin.  His long pretty hair draped over his shoulders suggestively.  His lithe arms reaching up to me indicating that he wanted to be held.  I melted as I looked down at him and pulled him close, to warm his cold skin.

I have my period at the moment, one of those long, heavy, painful “catch-up” periods.  I haven’t had a period in a few months so this period is going out of it’s way to make me feel all of the missed ones all at once.  I felt pretty horrific.  Sore stomach, swollen sore breasts, limited energy reserves.  None of that stopped me wanting him, not even for a second.  I’d been aroused all day from looking at sneaky pictures of him on my phone.

There we lay, bodies close together, I started touching him, very gently.  He responded better to my gentle touches than he did to my heavy strokes so I decided to be gentle with him this evening.  Each gentle touch felt like heaven on my fingertips.  His body reacts so beautifully, he squirms around and moans softly, letting me know I’m touching the right places.  I began stroking his cock, gentle but powerful strokes.  He almost came.  I told him that it was too soon and that it would be a while before I’d let him cum.

I turned him over onto his side so that I had full access to his pretty bottom.  I lifted his skirt up and applied plenty of lubricant to his little ass, making sure to give it a good rub.   I lubed up the toy that I’d planned on using that evening – which was a prostate stimulator (Nexus Excel) – and began inserting it slowly into his ass.  His body reacted almost immediately and he moaned and wriggled.  I placed a hand on his hip to steady him and slid it inside him.  When it was all the way in, I wiggled it a little and played with it for a little bit while lying behind him.  He lay there and took it like a good little sub and I decided after a while, to step things up a little.  

I turned the wand vibrator on (which is mains powered so very powerful vibrations) and rubbed his thighs with it, to let him know what was coming.  I teased him a little by placing the vibrator on the tip of the toy that was protruding from his ass, gently at first and then full-on.  He moaned and squirmed in pleasure as the vibrations ran through his body.  Suddenly he froze and his body had gone entirely rigid.  I turned the vibrator off and asked if he was ok.  ”Do you mind if I go for a pee?” he said, in a meek little voice.   I chuckled, “of course not”.  He exited the room so I used the opportunity to reposition myself for what was to come.

When he got back, I told him to get on his hands and knees.  He obeyed and stuck his little ass out.  I reached underneath him and felt his cock with one arm and had my other hand on the toy sticking out of his ass.  I made him hard with a few simple strokes and began stimulating both areas at once.  Within about a minute of being fucked by both hands, I heard his little cry for release “can I come please?  please?”.  ”Yes you can” was my reply.  I kept him on edge a little more by changing the tempo of my strokes or tightening and loosening my grip.  At this stage, all of the rope in the world wouldn’t have held him down and he was moaning really loudly, I decided to let him release.  His body shuddered in my hands as his orgasm hit. 

I was happy.  He told me that it was a very intense one.  That made me happier.  I tied his hair back and told him to go and clean up.  After that, I held him for a while and, after our post-sexytimes cigarette, we drifted off to sleep, both utterly exhausted.   

Q&A – Submissive dynamics

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Question: 

Hi, I read your response to the person asking about how to talk down to their male submissive. I would like to learn more about a dynamic that I don’t quite understand.

I have been with a girl for about 6 months and things are great. We identify with me being her daddy and her being my little girl. We have also played (and I had experience before meeting her) with me being submissive, so I’ve explored the range of BDSM roles.

Nothing about my dominant or submissive side is turned on or excited by saying something like “your pathetic attempts to get free….” I am not being critical, I know this is common in BDSM. But neither as a male dominant or submissive would that kind of language ever feel right for me. I know it’s different strokes for different folks. Which leads me to my question. What do you like about calling your partner’s efforts pathetic? What does he like about it?

I love coddling my little girl when she’s upset, even if it’s from something I pushed (say, exploring anal…), and when I’ve felt submissive, I still like to feel empowered, not pathetic or little or having a “back pussy” or clit or whatever.

Anyway I am very curious and if you could provide some kind of insight in what it seems many men like when being submissive, I would really appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Answer:

Hi there

Apologies for the delayed response – I was AFK most of the weekend. Since the majority of your question is directed at my submissive, I’ve asked him to write a response for you, since he is much better at describing his frame of mind than me. Here it is:

Mainly the enjoyment I get out of my partners verbal encouragement or ‘humiliation’ is that it helps to reinforce the current dynamic that we have when we are in bed. Whilst I am submissive, my mood and tolerance for different acts varies wildly from day to day. Depending on what we’re doing, what my partner says can have a massive effect on how I’m feeling. If she picks the right words for the time, subconsciously my frame of mind is reinforced and I find it easier and more natural to do whatever it is I am doing. This isn’t to say that it suits every occasion, but as a general rule of thumb I will enjoy it when she uses words as well as actions when she is having her way with me.

This all sounds pretty vague I’m sure, but it’s an important point. As for the specifics you mentioned.. straight up humiliation isn’t something I enjoy generally. I may occasionally be in the mood for it but generally, straight up telling me I’m pathetic is a sure way of snapping me out of a relaxed and aroused state of mind. I guess to me, I can enjoy ‘humiliation’ if it’s something I would actually want to do (but night not admit to in normal conversation). If it literally is just humiliating, I don’t enjoy that. I don’t think enjoying that kind of humiliation is actually that common. When my partner says something like the ’ ..pathetic..’ example you gave, her tone/smirk whatever lets me know she isn’t actually putting me down like that, although reading it in text I think kinda makes it read a lot differently to how it’s said and meant. Usually it’s just a form of teasing (which I enjoy immensely). If I thought she actually thought I was pathetic it would ruin my mood instantly. I’m not one of those subs you see on fetlife who like being objectified and put down and stuff.. I actually believe they’re much more uncommon than the internet would seem to suggest. There are a few tired old clichés on the internet, and I think that’s one of them, but that’s probably out of scope of this reply lest I write you an essay ;p

With the example you mentioned about feeling empowered.. I believe that’s entirely down to the submissive, I don’t think you can generalise something like that. When my partner treats me like a girl, dresses me up etc, that isn’t humiliating me or putting me down. For me, my slutty side is a huge part of who I am. When that side of me comes to the fore, those ARE the things that empower me. When it expresses itself, those things don’t humiliate me, they’re how I think about myself. When I feel like that, when I am feeling my slutty self, she can tell me all kinds of filthy things and it will arouse me. It helps me let go and just, be myself.

That’s not to say that that side of me always enjoys that kind of language, sometimes I am in much less of a slutty mood and that kind of language would ruin my mood. My partner knows very well when calling me a slut is appropriate to my mood and when id rather be called princess. If in feeling delicate and she tells me to imagine something that I would find humiliating, I wouldn’t enjoy it. I think, as you say, it’s horses for courses 🙂

I hope this answers most of your question. 

If you have a question you’d like to ask – you can send it to me here.