female domination

One week catchup – mid January

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Feels like I haven’t done an update in forever.  I’d like to make this post a mixture of a catchup and a visual feast of the most beautiful black and white abstract art that I can find.

 We had a guest staying over at the weekend.  We did lots of fun things inclusive of museums, pubs and games.  Sexual activity was limited to the bedroom for the weekend.  We still had fun though, inclusive of many delicious orgasms.  

(Credits: http://fractaleuphoria.deviantart.com/)

On Saturday night we got really really drunk.  I mean, really drunk.  It wasn’t bad sickly drunk though, it was pretty nice, chilled, happy drunk.  I ambled down to the bedroom with the intent of going to sleep.  My partner and our housemate stayed upstairs chatting and listening to music.  I lay there and the room was spinning, so I was alternating between keeping my eyes open and closed.  After about half an hour, my pet joined me in bed.  He was cold.  I pulled his little naked body close to warm him up.  

His skin was like satin.  He made some lovely little noises as I was cuddling him.  My hand strayed down further to touch him gently between the legs.  He was aroused.  I played with him, I licked him, I sucked him and I fucked him.  Alcohol has a profound effect on him – turns him into the naughtiest little whore.  He wanted to be used, so that’s exactly what I did.  I got myself off on him, a number of times, before finally letting him release – I did make him use a vibrator, I was delighted with how easy it made him cum.  Think we got to sleep at about 6am or thereabouts.

Sunday was a break day.  We literally sat around and did nothing all day.  It was bliss.  I feel like my body has slown down a lot in the past two years – alcohol doesn’t seem to be something I can do on a regular basis anymore.  A few years ago, I could have drunk a lot more and been less hungover.  

(Credits: http://mark-chadwick.deviantart.com/)

On Monday evening, I told him that I’d be locking him in chastity tomorrow.  That I’d be teasing him this evening for as long as he could take and locking him up so that he has to suffer all day at work.  After a while of teasing, he looked a little panicked, like, he really needed release.  I let him cum.  He almost passed out afterwards, not before making me cum first though.

My memory is a little fuzzy this morning.  I’ve not had many early nights in the past week so I’m feeling a little bit out of sync.  I’m also on a diet at the moment, which is hard because I hate eating diet food and I’m feeling constantly hungry and a little bit on edge.  I think we had Tuesday off, or, at least – I can’t remember doing anything on Tuesday except lots of cuddling and watching The Bridge (tv series – which is awesome btw).

On Wednesday, I spent over an hour teasing him with my tongue.  I remember thinking how good he tasted.  I was so aroused from having him in my mouth.  I’d to go to the bathroom afterwards and change my panties.  Thursday, I dressed him up – short leather dress – and played with some oil.  I didn’t hold him too long, he’d taken quite a lot of teasing this week and I wanted to give him a really nice orgasm.  I think I did.  He writhed around for quite a while.  It was late, after 2am, so I told him we should go to sleep.  

(Credits: http://nynjakat.deviantart.com/)

He promised to make it up to me tomorrow. But, I wasn’t unhappy or overly frustrated.  I was in a good mood and contented that he had enjoyable time.  I know he gets worried about the balance of orgasms, but I think one thing that he fails to grasp is that, I don’t need to orgasm every time any more.  I just need to get into that state of mind where he’s at my mercy.  Of course, I love to orgasm.  I’ll have some evenings where I can think about nothing else other than having a nice long orgasm…  But sometimes, I’ll have evenings where, I just want to saturate him with attention.  Even now, after a year of living together, it still feels a little unfamiliar to him.  He’s always so eager to please and always looks a bit deflated when I tell him that I don’t want to cum that evening.  I guess, I’d be wondering why he didn’t seem that bothered when I said I don’t want to cum.  Women eh? There’s no pleasing em.

So, last night, we played some games, had a smoke, watched the last episode of The Bridge.  I was nice and chilled, relaxed, lying on the couch with him next to me.  Earlier that day he told me that he would like to give me a massage that evening.  So he did.  There was some debate prior to that, I was rubbing him, teasing him, kissing him and he was getting rather aroused.  He had a determination in his eyes though, which was altogether quite cute.  He wanted to play with me, to give me a good time.  

He went into graphic detail about a standard day and the things I do for him, I sat there, choking back tears, remembering my last relationships and how the people there said that I was lazy and “never did anything around the house” (because some days, I’d be too tired to make dinner or the house wasn’t tidy/clean all of the time – i’m pretty messy).  But he sat there, talking about stuff like – making his lunch, buying him treats, making him tea, and well, other little things that won’t make much sense to you, my readers.  I felt really really touched though that he’d noticed all these tiny little inconsequential things and also that, because I don’t really sit and think about things like that – they just kind of happen – I never really treated them as a big deal before.  I want the best for him.  Sometimes I worry that, I don’t really make enough money to be able to buy him all the things that he wants.  I’m always pretty skint at the end of the month, with not really much left over – because I don’t earn that much.  Money isn’t important to me at all, but I want him to have a cosy, comfortable life.  

(Credits: http://av571n.deviantart.com/)

Now I’m rambling.  Let’s rewind a bit.  I sat there, soaking up all this information.  He wanted to have an evening where I was made to feel special.  I feel special every waking moment of my day, knowing that I have such an amazing partner.  He turned the heating on and I undressed, lying face down on the sofa.  I felt his little hands gently massaging my back.  It was relaxing, albeit, short.  I turned around and we kissed for a little bit.  ”Do you want me to lick you?” he said.  I got butterflies in my stomach as I felt his tongue brushing against my clit… gently at first and getting faster.  

After quite a while of blissful tongue pleasure, he inserted a finger or two (it’s hard to tell when you’re in that state).  I lay back and thought about the week we’d had together and the things I’d done to him, the way he moved his body and the noises he made.  The build-up was amazing.  I was close to orgasm so many times.  He was gentle though, like he held me on edge with ease, not slowing down to the point where I stopped receiving stimulation, but enough of a change of pace to let me enjoy that feeling of bliss.  When I came, it hit me really really hard.  I could  hardly breathe, I felt like I’d lost control of my body for a few minutes.   I could feel every single blood vessel in my body.  What a massive release.  I couldn’t have asked for a better evening, nor a better end to the evening.  We played a bit of pokemon and went to bed… a little later than I would have liked, but it’s hard to drag him away from his spreadsheets when he’s enjoying them so much.

This morning, I’m sitting here smiling, thinking about last night.  I hope he is too.  I’d really like to make love to him tonight.  Slowly and passionately.  In a nice setting… perhaps by the fire or in a candlelit room, with some nice music on.  We haven’t got anything planned for the weekend, so I’m looking forward to lots of gaming, cuddling and time spent together.

(Credits: http://esintu.deviantart.com/)

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Femdom Humour

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Femdom Humour 

Made me giggle.

Credits to http://www.reddit.com/user/ellouelle

A Day In the Life of a Professional Dominatrix

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Really insightful and well written article.

A Day In the Life of a Professional Dominatrix

what are your views on CBT?

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CBT (Cock and Ball Torture) isn’t something I’m into personally. Genital abuse of any kind doesn’t really get my sadistic juices flowing.  For me – it’s too far down the scale of the types of pain I enjoy inflicting.  

It is something that’s heavily associated with Femdom, at least in porn.  I believe that there are more people out there who  haven’t tried it who think they might like it, but probably don’t.  One of those fantasies you enjoy thinking about but never actually want to do.  Then there are other couples who are really into it and practice it safely, and that’s great.

Seriously though, I’d also be really careful with this one – an inexperienced domme who doesn’t know exactly what she’s doing in this area can cause long-term damage to your most precious region and that’s not fun.  

No#1 Rule of BDSM: Safety first, always.

No#2 Rule of BDSM: Is the person you’ve left in charge of your body as concerned with safety as you are?  If not, don’t let them anywhere near you.

No#3 Rule of BDSM: Educate yourself.  As a submissive or a dominant, you should always be aware of the risks involved and the right and wrong way to do things.

Best of luck.

Sensual weekend session

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Hazy weekend.  Probably smoked too much.  It helped with the inevitable frustration that I feel after having gone an entire week without orgasming and the pain and the PMS-rage.  Stupid period.  As well as managing to complete the entire of Dragon Age 2 in one weekend, we also had some fun.

I picked something out for him to wear and gave it to him, telling him to change upstairs.  I went with a cute red dress, black suspender belt, stockings and black heeled boots.  He also wore his chastity device. I sat him down on a cushioned, wooden chair.  I bound his hands behind his back to the chair with PVC tape and bound his ankles to either side of the chair so his legs were spread apart.  I tied his chest and neck to the chair with some rope, meaning if he leant forward or attempted to get free, the rope around his neck would prevent him.  I warned him to remain calm and still or he may hurt himself through mild choking. 

I then blindfolded him and let him sit there for a few minutes.  When his blindfold was removed, he found a vibrator strapped between his legs and some sensual lesbian porn on the screen in front of him.  I told him to watch the screen.  I sat behind him for a while, kissing his neck, cheeks, shoulders, touching his body, feeling it tingle and shudder at the prospect of the vibrator.  After a while, I turned the vibrator on.  It was about an inch away from his cock.  I left it on, so that he could feel the vibrations of the air around him, knowing it was there, but not actually being able to feel it.  

After a while, I noticed him starting to shift around, wanting to be touched.  I moved the vibrator closer so that it was in direct contact with his chastity device.  He moaned immediately and attempted to keep his body still while he was enjoying the pleasure of being touched.  I reminded him that he needed to keep watching the screen.  At this stage, the lesbians were licking each other and I could see that he was very close to cumming.  He was leaking everywhere.  I told him to remove the chastity device and he did so, I allowed him one hand to do this and immediately tied it back up again once the device was removed.

I turned the vibrator off and sat behind him again, holding him by his neck, forcing his head in the direction of the porn.  I nibbled on his ear, kissed his neck again, licked his lips, whispered in his ear.  I reached down with my hand and started toying with his cock while I had my other arm around his neck.  I stroked him slowly, but powerfully.  I used the vibrator a few more times to tease him, putting it up against my hand so that he could feel the vibrations as I stroked him and eventually, brought him to orgasm.

I untied him and held him for a bit, stroking his beautiful long hair.  

What is Sensual Domination?

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For me, sensual domination is the ability to bring a submissive into subspace without the need for heavy aggression of any kind – hard pain isn’t required, neither is shouting or derogatory comments, there is no rough handling or abuse of any kind.  There’s no whips, crops, paddles or heavy spanking involved. There might be rope, sensual oils, ice, water, toys and other tools of pleasure.   I might even choose to inflict some mild pain as a compliment to the pleasure I’m giving, but it’s never pushing the submissive’s limits.

For me, sensual domination requires a lot more skill than just hitting a sub as hard as possible or shouting nasty things.  Anyone can do that. This involves a lot of practice, learning what your submissive enjoys, what mood he’s in and learning to read that mood, learning how his body reacts to different stimulants, where all his little pleasure nodes are and how to work them to your advantage and how to “build up” to subspace.  With sensual domination, it isn’t instant or quick like more sadistic methods might be, comparatively, it’s a long, slow build-up of pleasure and teasing.  It takes patience, understanding, skill and endurance to pull it off well.  

The reward being the ability to bring a submissive into subspace by gentle words, touching, rubbing, licking, kissing and pleasure, all while they’re tied up or told not to move can be much more intoxicating.  As well as that, it’s also a lot more difficult for a submissive to “snap out” of subspace while being held at a level of ecstasy and pleasure… it’s a lot easier to switch out of pain than it is, pleasure.  You can hold your submissive there for significantly longer periods of time than you can simply by beating them or inflicting pain/torture/verbal abuse.  The end result is a much more fulfilling experience, at least for me and my submissive. 

Although I enjoy both and I have sadistic tendencies, these aren’t prevalent often.  When I feel the need for sadistic release, I can do that with my sub as well.  When I don’t, I revert to my original state of being which is of a more sensual nature.

Q&A – Submissive dynamics

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Question: 

Hi, I read your response to the person asking about how to talk down to their male submissive. I would like to learn more about a dynamic that I don’t quite understand.

I have been with a girl for about 6 months and things are great. We identify with me being her daddy and her being my little girl. We have also played (and I had experience before meeting her) with me being submissive, so I’ve explored the range of BDSM roles.

Nothing about my dominant or submissive side is turned on or excited by saying something like “your pathetic attempts to get free….” I am not being critical, I know this is common in BDSM. But neither as a male dominant or submissive would that kind of language ever feel right for me. I know it’s different strokes for different folks. Which leads me to my question. What do you like about calling your partner’s efforts pathetic? What does he like about it?

I love coddling my little girl when she’s upset, even if it’s from something I pushed (say, exploring anal…), and when I’ve felt submissive, I still like to feel empowered, not pathetic or little or having a “back pussy” or clit or whatever.

Anyway I am very curious and if you could provide some kind of insight in what it seems many men like when being submissive, I would really appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Answer:

Hi there

Apologies for the delayed response – I was AFK most of the weekend. Since the majority of your question is directed at my submissive, I’ve asked him to write a response for you, since he is much better at describing his frame of mind than me. Here it is:

Mainly the enjoyment I get out of my partners verbal encouragement or ‘humiliation’ is that it helps to reinforce the current dynamic that we have when we are in bed. Whilst I am submissive, my mood and tolerance for different acts varies wildly from day to day. Depending on what we’re doing, what my partner says can have a massive effect on how I’m feeling. If she picks the right words for the time, subconsciously my frame of mind is reinforced and I find it easier and more natural to do whatever it is I am doing. This isn’t to say that it suits every occasion, but as a general rule of thumb I will enjoy it when she uses words as well as actions when she is having her way with me.

This all sounds pretty vague I’m sure, but it’s an important point. As for the specifics you mentioned.. straight up humiliation isn’t something I enjoy generally. I may occasionally be in the mood for it but generally, straight up telling me I’m pathetic is a sure way of snapping me out of a relaxed and aroused state of mind. I guess to me, I can enjoy ‘humiliation’ if it’s something I would actually want to do (but night not admit to in normal conversation). If it literally is just humiliating, I don’t enjoy that. I don’t think enjoying that kind of humiliation is actually that common. When my partner says something like the ’ ..pathetic..’ example you gave, her tone/smirk whatever lets me know she isn’t actually putting me down like that, although reading it in text I think kinda makes it read a lot differently to how it’s said and meant. Usually it’s just a form of teasing (which I enjoy immensely). If I thought she actually thought I was pathetic it would ruin my mood instantly. I’m not one of those subs you see on fetlife who like being objectified and put down and stuff.. I actually believe they’re much more uncommon than the internet would seem to suggest. There are a few tired old clichés on the internet, and I think that’s one of them, but that’s probably out of scope of this reply lest I write you an essay ;p

With the example you mentioned about feeling empowered.. I believe that’s entirely down to the submissive, I don’t think you can generalise something like that. When my partner treats me like a girl, dresses me up etc, that isn’t humiliating me or putting me down. For me, my slutty side is a huge part of who I am. When that side of me comes to the fore, those ARE the things that empower me. When it expresses itself, those things don’t humiliate me, they’re how I think about myself. When I feel like that, when I am feeling my slutty self, she can tell me all kinds of filthy things and it will arouse me. It helps me let go and just, be myself.

That’s not to say that that side of me always enjoys that kind of language, sometimes I am in much less of a slutty mood and that kind of language would ruin my mood. My partner knows very well when calling me a slut is appropriate to my mood and when id rather be called princess. If in feeling delicate and she tells me to imagine something that I would find humiliating, I wouldn’t enjoy it. I think, as you say, it’s horses for courses 🙂

I hope this answers most of your question. 

If you have a question you’d like to ask – you can send it to me here.