fetlife

Things that annoy me about Fetlife

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1. How anal some of the moderators are. 

Some of them just utterly delight in powertripping all over your face and taking their job WAY too seriously. 

I’ll give you an example – I asked a question which was “describe subspace using only adjectives” in the “Ask a Submissive” forum.  My thread got closed because apparently there was a sticky that covered this.  There wasn’t! The closest sticky I could find was “What makes you submissive?”  What in the actual fuck?  How is that moderation?  So we’re not allowed to discuss any of the topics that are sticked at all, despite the fact that some of the “stickies” are no more than 2-3 lines or don’t go into any detail or are total dogshit?  What the fuck is the point of having groups then? Why not just sticky everything? Why bother having a forum for OPEN DISCUSSION?

2. Kinky & Popular

When’s the last time you saw an attractive male on K&P? When’s the last time you saw something you could even vaguely classify as “kinky” on K&P?  I’m not talking about selfies of naked chicks in front of their bathroom mirrors or a picture of some chick in a corset.  I mean, really? That’s the best the fetish community can come up with?  All that does is prove to me that Fetlife is full of vanilla guys.

3. Cliques

If you don’t worship or pay tribute to some of the more popular people or agree with everything that they say, no matter how fucking retarded, then you instantly get shot down by everyone around you.  It bothers me that people in the fetish community can be so narrow-minded…  I mean, c’mon, learn to think for yourself… at least sometimes form your own opinon?

4. Private Messages

I made a whole post about this once, where, I get submissive guys  messaging me without bothering to first read my profile.  I’m cool with the people who are like “oh hey, nice profile, bla bla bla whatever, just being friendly”.  That’s fine.  It’s the guys that are like “oh hey, im a sub, want to be my domme?”   Well actually, no, you fucknugget, I really really don’t.  My profile clearly states that i’m in a monogamous relationship.  Is it so hard to believe that a domme might be satisfied by having one submissive?

5. The interface/layout

It’s so terrible, outdated and awkward and despite being a supporter and giving them lots of money, it still has the most horrifically arcane interface I’ve ever had the displeasure of encountering. 

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10 things you will see every time on K&P on FetLife, guaranteed.

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This made me giggle.

10 things you will see every time on K&P on FetLife, guaranteed.

Halloween Night

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There he was, lying on the bed for me, naked and pale and lovely.  My hands wandered over his body as he lay there, on his back.  I brought his lips forward to kiss me.  His body trembled with want.  My fingers worked their way down his body to his thighs.  I pulled his legs apart and rubbed his little ass.  He moaned like a whore.  

I sat up so that I had more control over what I wanted to do to him.  I started working his beautiful hard cock, gently sliding it through my hands.  He was so aroused, I whispered down to him “this must be torture for you?”.  He shook his head and said that he enjoyed being mine to use.  I smiled down at him.  I got up and went in search of a toy, finding the appropriate one and a bottle of lube, I sat down on the bed again grinning down at him.  He knew what was coming.  I selected a small rubber plug from his collection, I made him hold the base of his cock so that it would stay hard and slid the lubricated toy inside him gently.  Once inside, I swapped positions with him and had him hold the toy while I played with his cock.  After teasing him for a while, I decided to step things up a bit.  

I turned his wand vibrator on and proceeded to wedge it against the little plug in his ass.  I played with his cock a little more, edging him closer and stopping.  I sat up and removed my panties and pushed his legs together, the vibrator still pressed hard against his plug.  I proceeded to slide him inside me, while I reversed onto him so that I could control the vibrator and plug as well as fuck him.  I think he lasted about 30 seconds inside me in the reverse cowgirl position before he came, hard, really hard.  I sat up and the cum dripped from my pussy all over his belly.  He lay there in shock.  I don’t think he was quite expecting to orgasm so quickly.  I cleaned him up and held him.  After a smoke, we slipped into the abyss of a long, dark sleep.

How NOT to talk to women on Fetlife

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Ok, before I give you a giggle at some of the more ridiculous private messages I’ve got over the past month on Fetlife, I think it’s important to note that my profile clearly says in HUGE and clear writing that I’m in a monogamous relationship with my submissive and that I’m on Fetlife to share ideas and thoughts, not to engage in intimate conversations or seek any more submissives.  You can see that I’ve replied to some in a desperate attempt to at least make them think before PMing, and others I’ve just… well, they’re probably lost causes.

I’ve blocked any names and images for privacy reasons.

I’m here to educate, not to mock.  I think my next blog should most definitely be about “How to engage in a conversation with a female dominant”. …. I could even change that to “How to engage in conversation with any sane female”..?  Surely it can’t be so difficult?  I guess it is, considering that probably 9 out of 10 messages I get on Fetlife are like this.  No I’m not joking.  

If you have some suggestions for social interaction via BDSM sites, please feel free to send them to me.

Q&A – Submissive dynamics

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Question: 

Hi, I read your response to the person asking about how to talk down to their male submissive. I would like to learn more about a dynamic that I don’t quite understand.

I have been with a girl for about 6 months and things are great. We identify with me being her daddy and her being my little girl. We have also played (and I had experience before meeting her) with me being submissive, so I’ve explored the range of BDSM roles.

Nothing about my dominant or submissive side is turned on or excited by saying something like “your pathetic attempts to get free….” I am not being critical, I know this is common in BDSM. But neither as a male dominant or submissive would that kind of language ever feel right for me. I know it’s different strokes for different folks. Which leads me to my question. What do you like about calling your partner’s efforts pathetic? What does he like about it?

I love coddling my little girl when she’s upset, even if it’s from something I pushed (say, exploring anal…), and when I’ve felt submissive, I still like to feel empowered, not pathetic or little or having a “back pussy” or clit or whatever.

Anyway I am very curious and if you could provide some kind of insight in what it seems many men like when being submissive, I would really appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Answer:

Hi there

Apologies for the delayed response – I was AFK most of the weekend. Since the majority of your question is directed at my submissive, I’ve asked him to write a response for you, since he is much better at describing his frame of mind than me. Here it is:

Mainly the enjoyment I get out of my partners verbal encouragement or ‘humiliation’ is that it helps to reinforce the current dynamic that we have when we are in bed. Whilst I am submissive, my mood and tolerance for different acts varies wildly from day to day. Depending on what we’re doing, what my partner says can have a massive effect on how I’m feeling. If she picks the right words for the time, subconsciously my frame of mind is reinforced and I find it easier and more natural to do whatever it is I am doing. This isn’t to say that it suits every occasion, but as a general rule of thumb I will enjoy it when she uses words as well as actions when she is having her way with me.

This all sounds pretty vague I’m sure, but it’s an important point. As for the specifics you mentioned.. straight up humiliation isn’t something I enjoy generally. I may occasionally be in the mood for it but generally, straight up telling me I’m pathetic is a sure way of snapping me out of a relaxed and aroused state of mind. I guess to me, I can enjoy ‘humiliation’ if it’s something I would actually want to do (but night not admit to in normal conversation). If it literally is just humiliating, I don’t enjoy that. I don’t think enjoying that kind of humiliation is actually that common. When my partner says something like the ’ ..pathetic..’ example you gave, her tone/smirk whatever lets me know she isn’t actually putting me down like that, although reading it in text I think kinda makes it read a lot differently to how it’s said and meant. Usually it’s just a form of teasing (which I enjoy immensely). If I thought she actually thought I was pathetic it would ruin my mood instantly. I’m not one of those subs you see on fetlife who like being objectified and put down and stuff.. I actually believe they’re much more uncommon than the internet would seem to suggest. There are a few tired old clichés on the internet, and I think that’s one of them, but that’s probably out of scope of this reply lest I write you an essay ;p

With the example you mentioned about feeling empowered.. I believe that’s entirely down to the submissive, I don’t think you can generalise something like that. When my partner treats me like a girl, dresses me up etc, that isn’t humiliating me or putting me down. For me, my slutty side is a huge part of who I am. When that side of me comes to the fore, those ARE the things that empower me. When it expresses itself, those things don’t humiliate me, they’re how I think about myself. When I feel like that, when I am feeling my slutty self, she can tell me all kinds of filthy things and it will arouse me. It helps me let go and just, be myself.

That’s not to say that that side of me always enjoys that kind of language, sometimes I am in much less of a slutty mood and that kind of language would ruin my mood. My partner knows very well when calling me a slut is appropriate to my mood and when id rather be called princess. If in feeling delicate and she tells me to imagine something that I would find humiliating, I wouldn’t enjoy it. I think, as you say, it’s horses for courses 🙂

I hope this answers most of your question. 

If you have a question you’d like to ask – you can send it to me here.