funny

Favourite Insults

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Somewhere there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so that you can stay alive. Find it and apologize.

I hope you fall in a hole so deep that you die of thirst before you hit the bottom.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

Everyone who has ever loved you was wrong.

Look, I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.

Whoever’s willing to fuck you is just too lazy to jerk off.

Does your ass ever get jealous from all the shit that comes out of your mouth?

You couldn’t pour water out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb to the top of your ego, and jump down to your IQ level.

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Badum Tish

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Gandalf Cats – YOU SHALL NOT PASS!

Ireland summed Up

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Ireland – Summed up

Congratulations on your new baby cards (for the childfree)

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Two “Congratulations on Breeding” cards that I can totally relate to.

Scientific Sex

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Scientific sex.

Mid-Week madness

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Some silly thoughts I’ve been having today about my submissive expressed in cheesy pick-up lines:

You must be yoghurt because I want to spoon you.

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Looks like you dropped something – my jaw!

You must be Jamaican cos you Jamaican me crazy.  (that’s one of his)

Did you get those pants on sale, because at my house they’d be 100% off.

You must be a keyboard because you’re just my type.

Last night we smoked, we played a new game with our friends online – which was really fun – and we went to bed.  He dressed up in his new shiny PVC corset top (see pic below) and a long fishtail PVC skirt.  

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I wanted to DEVOUR him he looked so good.  I spent probably 2 hours rubbing him, teasing him, talking to him, I got him so deep into subspace that I didn’t know if he’d come back or not.  He asked me several times if he could cum, I told him yes he could and then stopped when he was just on the verge. 

Every single time he was about to cum, I stopped dead, removed my hand from his cock and focused on other parts of his body.  He was suspended there for ages.  I cuffed his wrists behind his back and had him lie on his side so I had access to his ass.  I kept his skirt on but pulled it tight so that he had minimal leg movement, otherwise he squirms around so much it’s hard to keep him pinned.  

I plugged the magic wand in and spent some time teasing his body, when I finally did let him cum, he was exhausted to the point of not moving.  He lay there for ages, I uncuffed him and held him from behind as his body shook.  He kept moaning even long after the orgasm.  

Afterwards he said “you’re like a machine” “how did you keep that up for so long?”.  It made me blush.  I was exhausted when I got into bed, especially after not sleeping well the previous night and being completely utterly stoned.  I don’t know, something drives me when I start, I don’t want to stop.  I get as much pleasure out of doing that to him as he gets from receiving, of having that control over him, more than he realises.

Ebay: Armor for your guinea pig

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Ebay never ceases to amaze me.  Yeah it’s a guinea pig wearing scale-mail armor….