irish summer

Fuck Summer

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Hating on summer for reasons.

1. The Sun

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It cooks my skin.  It involves me having to pay money for an array of horribly sticky creams to stop me from being cooked alive.  I like being pale.

2. Hayfever

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My eyes become sore and dry and itchy.  My nose doesn’t stop running. I have to take antihistamines that make me drowsy.

3. Increased number of insects.

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Including insects that want to sting or bite me – wasps, hornets, bees, …. and those that just want to feast on my blood.

4. The heat

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In winter, if I’m cold outside, I can put clothes on to warm up.  Inside, I can light the fire or turn the heating on.  In the summer, there is nothing you can do but feel repressed and suffocated by the constant heat.  Fans are too noisy.  Air conditioning seemingly hasn’t been invented in Ireland yet.

5. Sandals

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If you hate feet as much as me, then you’ll hate summer too because it involves people showing off their creepy, ugly feet by wearing horrific looking “footwear”.  Fuck sandals.

6. Noisy neighbour’s barbeques swearing at their thousands of screaming kids and terrible taste in music.

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Might just be my neighbourhood.  But man, my neighbours swear blind at their kids 24/7, not just in summer.  As a result, their children are these nasty little noise machines that can’t talk to each other at a normal volume.  Their only volume is scream or yell.  They usually have a few BBQs in summer, play terrible pop music from like, a decade ago (not that the newer shit is any better) and completely ignore the fact that their children are producing the most ghastly noises.  They stay up drinking til late in the morning, which is fair enough – I don’t mind a party, but man, these people can’t talk to each other at a normal volume either.  They feel the need to screech.

7. The Parades

You know what? This is quite specific to Northern Ireland. I’d consider myself to be a unionist (that doesn’t vote for the “unionist” parties – or the nationalist ones for that matter).  I quite like having a union with Britain.  I think the idea of 4 countries that live as individuals and independent who all rely on each other, share ideas and share resources is a good thing.  I think that Britain (well, not britain, “the tories”) went about it all wrong.  Invasion and repression isn’t really a good way to get people on your side.  But that’s all in the past, and it doesn’t make a shit of a difference anymore. 

But still, every year, these misogynistic dregs march up and down the streets to celebrate some event that literally no one gives a fuck about anymore.  Why? TRADITION! What? Really? It does nothing but cause tension and stress and costs taxpayers money.  Sure it’s great having an extra day off, but to get woken up EVERY FUCKING SATURDAY MORNING IN SUMMER AT 8AM BY PEOPLE FUCKING BANGING DRUMS OUTSIDE MY WINDOW IS NOT FUCKING AWESOME.  You can read more on this fucked up “tradition” here: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Twelfth  

While you might think “who the fuck are you to shit on people’s traditions”.  I say, hey, if I show up outside your bedroom window banging a drum at fucking 8am on a Saturday morning, you would probably feel the same.  As well as that, traditions that piss 50% of the country off and raise tensions, aren’t really all that fair.

So yeah, summer sucks.

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