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A tribute to my perfect partner.

When to NOT double-barrel your name!

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When to NOT double-barrel your name!

Don’t settle for Mediocre

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We’ve all been in a relationship where, we were just there for the sake of it… too lazy to break-up and deal with the aftermath… then there’s always the hassle of finding another partner.  Hassle.  It’s hassle.  It takes time, energy, money.  I’ve been in relationships where I just stayed because, well, I wasn’t really really unhappy, but I wasn’t happy either.  I just existed there, in that time, in that space.  After a while though, just existing wasn’t enough.  So I came across an article today which spoke truths:-

In order to fully understand the truth behind this situation, you have to remember that all relationships are not created equal. There is a difference between true love and dysfunctional relationships. It is very easy to attract a dysfunctional relationship, the lowest hanging fruit. Those who have not done any inner work will tend to gravitate toward anyone who comes along where they feel a little chemistry. That is why your drama-queen friends always have a man. There is plenty of dysfunction to go around and most people settle for mediocre.

Look at your friends and family. How many of them have the ideal relationship you desire? If you review your romantic history, don’t you feel that most of your past lovers were less than wonderful? Even the ones you felt heartbroken over, you probably look back now and wonder what the heck you saw in that person. You know you can have a relationship, but you don’t just want to settle. You want an extraordinary true love.

The average person settles for mediocre. They don’t learn about life or try to improve themselves. They look for the easy way, the quick fix, and the path of least resistance. Inside of everyone is a yearning for more, but it is often pushed down with blaming others, the economy, their industry and their partners for their lack of satisfaction. They are the same people who think you are the one who is crazy for doing all that self-help, touchy –feely stuff. They never want to get into deep conversations and stick to small talk and gossip.

Because you are reading this I know you are not average…far from it. Instead of suppressing that inner yearning for more, you embrace it. You decide that you are the one who can make a difference and design a life that is more fulfilling. You may tend to be hard on yourself because you want the best in your life. Don’t let this inner drive tear you down and make your wrong for not having what everyone else appears to have.

If you look closely, what most people have is not what you want. Just finding a partner or having wealth doesn’t translate into happiness. Settling for mediocre only reinforces to the person that this is all they deserve. At some level they do know they are settling but won’t admit it or are in deep denial. Don’t make comparisons to others because external appearances can be deceitful.

Article written by
Debi  Berndt

Debi Berndt

I don’t believe in all the bullshit therapy that she offers, but she did write a pretty sweet article.  I shared the article because it rings true for so many people.  There is more than that though.  There is more to life.  There is more to love.  True love and happiness does exist.  You can wake up in the morning and think “fuck yeah, I really love my life and I’m really happy”.  Most of what’s holding you back from meeting that person is you and all the obstacles you put in the way. 

Here’s another awesome article written by Roque Caston, a gay man, on the same topic:

In the interest of balance, another interesting article, this time looking at the topic from the opposite side of the coin, Robert E Goodin suggesting that settling for medicore can be turned into a good thing:


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His little hungry fingers caressed my body.  He always knows the right places to touch.  I was upset. He always makes it better.  We made love in the darkness, his body writhing on top of mine, it was bliss.  I felt my nails sink into his back as he moved his hips. I matched his motion and pulled him closer. A thin sheen of sweat on his delicate skin.  I was drowning in bliss, it would have been enough for anyone but I wanted more, I wanted him to feel it too.  My body shuddered a second time and he felt it too.  

This beautiful little person was built just for me.  He said something that made me smile “I like that it doesn’t always have to be you tying me up, sometimes it can just be us enjoying each other’s bodies”.  He’s right. 

I’m still smiling.

EE Cummings

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I Like My Body When It Is With Your
i like my body when it is with your
body. It is so quite new a thing.
Muscles better and nerves more.
i like your body. i like what it does,
i like its hows. i like to feel the spine
of your body and its bones,and the trembling
-firm-smooth ness and which i will
again and again and again
kiss, i like kissing this and that of you,
i like, slowly stroking the,shocking fuzz
of your electric furr,and what-is-it comes
over parting flesh….And eyes big love-crumbs,

and possibly i like the thrill

of under me you so quite new

E. E. Cummings (1894 – 1962)

Question Time: How did you meet your sub?

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I run an online gaming community – we play lots of different games together. We were playing one particular MMORPG and this guy joined my guild – was a mate of someone already in the guild so we let him in. I fell in love with his voice almost immediately, he was fun, intelligent, passionate, quirky and (when i saw a picture of him) very sexy.  He liked to talk a lot.  I found him incredibly interesting on all levels.

We talked a lot after raids, I made him an officer he ended up running the raids alongside me… after a couple of months of talking to each other one-on-one, things got kinda sexual, we flirted with each other a lot, although we were both already in relationships at the time. My relationship was open, so I didn’t feel any guilt, his wasn’t though. He told me that he thought we should stop and he wanted to try and work things out with his girlfriend because he still loved her.

I was devastated, heartbroken. To get back at him, I played around with nearly every other male guild member. I talked to him about the guys I was with.  I can be a bit of a bitch like that. I think it kinda got to him after a while because he started talking to me again, in the way he used to. I was still angry with him at hurting me in the past, but I got over it.

He told me he liked to dress up in ladies clothes, I found that super hot. We planned some things that he might wear for me on cam… we talked more and more. Our own relationships IRL were deteriorating at that time. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend at that time, for a whole host of reasons.. He broke up with his girlfriend, they hadn’t even slept in the same room in months.

He came over to Ireland to visit me. I’ll never forget the first day he showed up at my door, rucksack in hand, looking all shy and delicious. I pounced on him as soon as he got inside. We explored each others sexuality. He told me he was submissive, which worked out perfectly for me being of a dominant nature… we discovered that we were interested in a LOT of the same things sexually, as well as having the same life goals and outlook on life.

He visited a few more times, and I asked if he’d like to move in with me. We got our own place, he got a job here and are now in the process of living happily ever after.

I asked him to answer the same question.  Here was his response:

i would probably write something about how i met you through an online community i joined
kindled a friendship with you over a year or so
showed you my penis
then moved to ireland

I like his version better… 🙂

In answer to:

Sensual Massage

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I had a pretty crappy day yesterday.  One of those days where time stood still and I thought work was never going to end.  I dreamt that I was at work the night before, and then spent 8 hours at work…  I got home a little worse for wear and flopped into bed almost immediately.  My submissive, who arrives home from work about an hour after me, crawled into bed beside me, naked and lay there with me for a bit.  We  cuddled and I stroked his beautiful naked body, which always makes me feel better.

After the usual routine of dinner (stuffed ribs, gravy and mashed potatoes/carrots), star trek (watching through the voyager series at the moment because he hasn’t seen it) and shower (gave him a good old scrubbing), he asked if I’d like to join him in bed.  

I found some nice lounge jazz as background music which was perfect for the mood I was in – chaotic, but relaxed.  I removed my dressing gown and lay on the bed, face down on my belly and he began to massage my back.  I lay there, with my eyes closed, feeling his little fingers touching me, caressing me, he focused on my back and swept his fingers over my erogenous zones – spent a bit of time on the back of my neck.  He was so gentle, not like other people who’ve given me massages where I’ve often felt worse afterwards.

He kissed my neck and proceeded to massage my inner thighs and the surrounding area, my body responded appropriately and my back arched revealing more of myself to him.  I spent most of the time looking at him, watching him work, watching him please me, a grin on my face.  He was smiling too, he looked happy that I was enjoying myself, I closed my eyes and spread my legs a little further apart, inviting him to rub me.  He obliged and began to rub my clit with his finger, it felt amazing and I could feel my body responding to him.  

He went inside me with his fingers and began rubbing me again, this time with his whole hand.  I was soaking.  I closed my eyes and lay there, enjoying the sensation, enjoying his attentions.  My orgasm hit hard, my body shook with convulsions as a wave of pleasure hit every single blood vessel.  He continued, and I tightened my thighs around him, telling him to stop.  I couldn’t take any more.  I lay there for a while, shivering with pleasure, contented, happy, satisfied.  I love this man.