mistress

End of the darkness

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My pet spent most of the weekend feeling ill.  I spent most of the weekend looking after him.  He got tired easily and his chest/throat were very sore.  I fed him Beechams hot drinks, tea, sausages, strepsils and vitamins.  I held him, I bathed him, I watched tv with him when he grew too tired to play games.  There was a lot of improvement yesterday and I think he’s starting to feel a little better now, or at least, the worst of it’s over.

I always feel bad when he’s sick, because, although I look after him, I can’t help but get incredibly aroused at how weak he is and how easy it would be for me to take advantage of him, if I wanted to… Especially when he’s lying there, all weak, sick and flopped down on a chair wrapped in blankets, looking so vulnerable.  It drives me crazy.  I feel like my libido went into overdrive this weekend and I did my absolute best to suppress it.  Obviously, he wasn’t much in the mood, not being well and all… and I was trying to focus my energy on getting him better.  

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I distracted myself with housework and feeding and computer games and weed.  At one stage, I felt so overwhelmed that I just shut down and my body filled with bad chemicals.  I could feel myself getting saturated by them, a darkness seeping into me.  I felt like I was falling into a huge black pit.  There he was at the top, peering over the edge, calling my name, trying to pull me back out – even in his weakened state, he’ll never leave me there to fall prey to the black.  

I found myself on the sofa with him, once again, staring down at his beautiful body.  He was dressed in a long, silky blue nighty and his wet hair fell over his shoulders, his big blue subby eyes stared up at me and I melted.  I looked down and he’d grown hard.  His eyes told me to touch him and his body responded positively when I did.  I went downstairs and took a shower and we reunited in the bedroom.  We lay there facing each other, my hand on his neck supporting the back of his head.  He’s got a sensitive neck, I told him that.  He likes it when I run my fingers along it gently, he likes when I hold it, when I choke it and when I kiss it.  

I pulled him closer to me and stroked between his legs.  I told him to pass me the vibrator, and we shared it for a while.  I didn’t want to hold him too long, tire him out too much, he was close and he needed release before his short energy reserves ran out.   I sucked his cock and climbed on top of him and fucked him backwards.  We came. He looked like he needed it, almost as much as me.  The darkness subsided.

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A Day In the Life of a Professional Dominatrix

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Really insightful and well written article.

A Day In the Life of a Professional Dominatrix

The Warmth

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I probably had one of the best orgasms of my life last night.  After we did some gaming (we’re currently working our way through Path of Exile again), I asked him to roll up and we had a smoke.  It hit me really really hard, like, I was completely fucked after about 10-20 minutes.  My arms felt really long and the room was wobbling.  I had trouble completing the simplest of tasks, like, shutting down my PC. 

We moved over to the sofa and he said he was going downstairs to put his new gold dress on.  This dress doesn’t look half as fabulous in the photos but here it is… it’s kind of a fake-pvc material, super shiny, super tacky but super fabulous…

While he was downstairs getting ready, it felt like an eternity.  I was totally tripping out.  I was looking around the room and everything started wobbling, the lamp was wobbling, the floor, the ceiling.  I was really chilled out.  I had issues focusing though and the only way to sustain focus seemed to be to blink really fast.  I attempted to regain my control but it seemed to be slipping from my grasp.  I fought the sub-reality with all my strength and finally, he appeared, all glammed up in his shiny new dress and looking fabulous.  He looked like a pretty mermaid.  Because he has tiny hips, the bottom of the dress sat out, giving it a fish-tailed effect.  I asked if he’d like to go downstairs.

Going to the bathroom was hard work.  Our bathroom floor has black and white tiles, like a chess board.  Every time I look down at them, I felt my reality slipping away again.  I  attempted to look up at the walls and blink really fast to get out of the bathroom asap.  I’d made it.  I headed into the bedroom and flopped down onto the bed.  He’d put some psytrance on.  I began kissing him and touching him. 

His cock felt amazing underneath the shiny dress, my hand wanted to smooth it out and rub him.  I brought him to close to orgasm a few times, using the dress as a way to bind his cock.  Sometimes I motioned that he fuck himself using the bind that I’d created, other times I fucked him softly or hard, depending on what I felt like at that time.  I told him that I might make him wait until tomorrow, just because I could.  I could see the disappointment on his face, but he took his news with grace. 

My favorite part of the session included ordering him onto his knees and spanking his pretty bottom.  It looked so amazing in the tight gold dress.  I kept him hard while I spanked him.  It felt good to have that release.  I felt like, he deserved a reward.  I rolled him over onto his back again and lifted his skirt, feeling his cock in the flesh for the first time.  It looked so pink and used and utterly delicious.  I used both hands to bring him to orgasm, one holding the base of his shaft and the other stroking him.  He came hard and he lay there shaking for about 10 minutes.  I felt a warmth spreading over me. 

I lay down and my mind started to wander.  I lay there thinking about all the things I’d like to do to him in that gold dress.  I felt his hands on me.  My body felt so sensitive, too sensitive.  Over stimulated.  I kept getting lost in the monophonic psytrance.  Sometimes I felt too much, other times I went numb.  At one point, I went numb completely from the waist down.  He suggested we go upstairs for a smoke, to clear our heads.  Eventually we did.  I’m not sure why that took so long.  It was hard to get up.  I sat up on the sofa while he had a smoke.  I ate some crisps, I think and we eventually ended up back downstairs again.

This time around, I felt a little more alert, that I might be able to sustain a train of thought long enough to reach orgasm.  I lay back and got lost as he started to rub me.  I fantacisied about having him tied up in his gold dress, about fucking him in the ass in his gold dress, about sharing a vibrator, about just kissing him while we were both dressed up in something pretty.  I then started to think about what I was wearing.  I felt a little inadequate in my worn pink nightie.  He makes so much effort for me and here I am in my ragged night dress probably looking like shit.  It’s much harder for me to get decent sexy clothes though in my size.  I always try and usually fail.  I shouldn’t be thinking about this when he’s playing with me though, insecurities aside, here he is making me feel amazing, relax and enjoy it. 

My mind wandered back to what his hand was doing, he was rubbing me and I was starting to dry up a little.  I started thinking back to what I’d just done to him and how his cock felt in my hand, how his eyes looked when I told him that he wouldn’t be allowed to cum, how my hand felt when I was spanking his little ass.  I was soaking again and his rubbing was in just the right place.  I felt my orgasm building and when it hit, it felt completely unexpected.  It shot up my spine and down my arms and legs, rendering me helpless for just a moment.  I regained control of myself and attempted to control my breathing.  I was still orgasming and continued to orgasm for what felt like ages.  The warmth spread over my body again.

How NOT to talk to women on Fetlife

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Ok, before I give you a giggle at some of the more ridiculous private messages I’ve got over the past month on Fetlife, I think it’s important to note that my profile clearly says in HUGE and clear writing that I’m in a monogamous relationship with my submissive and that I’m on Fetlife to share ideas and thoughts, not to engage in intimate conversations or seek any more submissives.  You can see that I’ve replied to some in a desperate attempt to at least make them think before PMing, and others I’ve just… well, they’re probably lost causes.

I’ve blocked any names and images for privacy reasons.

I’m here to educate, not to mock.  I think my next blog should most definitely be about “How to engage in a conversation with a female dominant”. …. I could even change that to “How to engage in conversation with any sane female”..?  Surely it can’t be so difficult?  I guess it is, considering that probably 9 out of 10 messages I get on Fetlife are like this.  No I’m not joking.  

If you have some suggestions for social interaction via BDSM sites, please feel free to send them to me.

Sensual weekend session

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Hazy weekend.  Probably smoked too much.  It helped with the inevitable frustration that I feel after having gone an entire week without orgasming and the pain and the PMS-rage.  Stupid period.  As well as managing to complete the entire of Dragon Age 2 in one weekend, we also had some fun.

I picked something out for him to wear and gave it to him, telling him to change upstairs.  I went with a cute red dress, black suspender belt, stockings and black heeled boots.  He also wore his chastity device. I sat him down on a cushioned, wooden chair.  I bound his hands behind his back to the chair with PVC tape and bound his ankles to either side of the chair so his legs were spread apart.  I tied his chest and neck to the chair with some rope, meaning if he leant forward or attempted to get free, the rope around his neck would prevent him.  I warned him to remain calm and still or he may hurt himself through mild choking. 

I then blindfolded him and let him sit there for a few minutes.  When his blindfold was removed, he found a vibrator strapped between his legs and some sensual lesbian porn on the screen in front of him.  I told him to watch the screen.  I sat behind him for a while, kissing his neck, cheeks, shoulders, touching his body, feeling it tingle and shudder at the prospect of the vibrator.  After a while, I turned the vibrator on.  It was about an inch away from his cock.  I left it on, so that he could feel the vibrations of the air around him, knowing it was there, but not actually being able to feel it.  

After a while, I noticed him starting to shift around, wanting to be touched.  I moved the vibrator closer so that it was in direct contact with his chastity device.  He moaned immediately and attempted to keep his body still while he was enjoying the pleasure of being touched.  I reminded him that he needed to keep watching the screen.  At this stage, the lesbians were licking each other and I could see that he was very close to cumming.  He was leaking everywhere.  I told him to remove the chastity device and he did so, I allowed him one hand to do this and immediately tied it back up again once the device was removed.

I turned the vibrator off and sat behind him again, holding him by his neck, forcing his head in the direction of the porn.  I nibbled on his ear, kissed his neck again, licked his lips, whispered in his ear.  I reached down with my hand and started toying with his cock while I had my other arm around his neck.  I stroked him slowly, but powerfully.  I used the vibrator a few more times to tease him, putting it up against my hand so that he could feel the vibrations as I stroked him and eventually, brought him to orgasm.

I untied him and held him for a bit, stroking his beautiful long hair.  

What is Sensual Domination?

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For me, sensual domination is the ability to bring a submissive into subspace without the need for heavy aggression of any kind – hard pain isn’t required, neither is shouting or derogatory comments, there is no rough handling or abuse of any kind.  There’s no whips, crops, paddles or heavy spanking involved. There might be rope, sensual oils, ice, water, toys and other tools of pleasure.   I might even choose to inflict some mild pain as a compliment to the pleasure I’m giving, but it’s never pushing the submissive’s limits.

For me, sensual domination requires a lot more skill than just hitting a sub as hard as possible or shouting nasty things.  Anyone can do that. This involves a lot of practice, learning what your submissive enjoys, what mood he’s in and learning to read that mood, learning how his body reacts to different stimulants, where all his little pleasure nodes are and how to work them to your advantage and how to “build up” to subspace.  With sensual domination, it isn’t instant or quick like more sadistic methods might be, comparatively, it’s a long, slow build-up of pleasure and teasing.  It takes patience, understanding, skill and endurance to pull it off well.  

The reward being the ability to bring a submissive into subspace by gentle words, touching, rubbing, licking, kissing and pleasure, all while they’re tied up or told not to move can be much more intoxicating.  As well as that, it’s also a lot more difficult for a submissive to “snap out” of subspace while being held at a level of ecstasy and pleasure… it’s a lot easier to switch out of pain than it is, pleasure.  You can hold your submissive there for significantly longer periods of time than you can simply by beating them or inflicting pain/torture/verbal abuse.  The end result is a much more fulfilling experience, at least for me and my submissive. 

Although I enjoy both and I have sadistic tendencies, these aren’t prevalent often.  When I feel the need for sadistic release, I can do that with my sub as well.  When I don’t, I revert to my original state of being which is of a more sensual nature.

Q&A – Submissive dynamics

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Question: 

Hi, I read your response to the person asking about how to talk down to their male submissive. I would like to learn more about a dynamic that I don’t quite understand.

I have been with a girl for about 6 months and things are great. We identify with me being her daddy and her being my little girl. We have also played (and I had experience before meeting her) with me being submissive, so I’ve explored the range of BDSM roles.

Nothing about my dominant or submissive side is turned on or excited by saying something like “your pathetic attempts to get free….” I am not being critical, I know this is common in BDSM. But neither as a male dominant or submissive would that kind of language ever feel right for me. I know it’s different strokes for different folks. Which leads me to my question. What do you like about calling your partner’s efforts pathetic? What does he like about it?

I love coddling my little girl when she’s upset, even if it’s from something I pushed (say, exploring anal…), and when I’ve felt submissive, I still like to feel empowered, not pathetic or little or having a “back pussy” or clit or whatever.

Anyway I am very curious and if you could provide some kind of insight in what it seems many men like when being submissive, I would really appreciate it. Thanks for taking the time to read this!

Answer:

Hi there

Apologies for the delayed response – I was AFK most of the weekend. Since the majority of your question is directed at my submissive, I’ve asked him to write a response for you, since he is much better at describing his frame of mind than me. Here it is:

Mainly the enjoyment I get out of my partners verbal encouragement or ‘humiliation’ is that it helps to reinforce the current dynamic that we have when we are in bed. Whilst I am submissive, my mood and tolerance for different acts varies wildly from day to day. Depending on what we’re doing, what my partner says can have a massive effect on how I’m feeling. If she picks the right words for the time, subconsciously my frame of mind is reinforced and I find it easier and more natural to do whatever it is I am doing. This isn’t to say that it suits every occasion, but as a general rule of thumb I will enjoy it when she uses words as well as actions when she is having her way with me.

This all sounds pretty vague I’m sure, but it’s an important point. As for the specifics you mentioned.. straight up humiliation isn’t something I enjoy generally. I may occasionally be in the mood for it but generally, straight up telling me I’m pathetic is a sure way of snapping me out of a relaxed and aroused state of mind. I guess to me, I can enjoy ‘humiliation’ if it’s something I would actually want to do (but night not admit to in normal conversation). If it literally is just humiliating, I don’t enjoy that. I don’t think enjoying that kind of humiliation is actually that common. When my partner says something like the ’ ..pathetic..’ example you gave, her tone/smirk whatever lets me know she isn’t actually putting me down like that, although reading it in text I think kinda makes it read a lot differently to how it’s said and meant. Usually it’s just a form of teasing (which I enjoy immensely). If I thought she actually thought I was pathetic it would ruin my mood instantly. I’m not one of those subs you see on fetlife who like being objectified and put down and stuff.. I actually believe they’re much more uncommon than the internet would seem to suggest. There are a few tired old clichés on the internet, and I think that’s one of them, but that’s probably out of scope of this reply lest I write you an essay ;p

With the example you mentioned about feeling empowered.. I believe that’s entirely down to the submissive, I don’t think you can generalise something like that. When my partner treats me like a girl, dresses me up etc, that isn’t humiliating me or putting me down. For me, my slutty side is a huge part of who I am. When that side of me comes to the fore, those ARE the things that empower me. When it expresses itself, those things don’t humiliate me, they’re how I think about myself. When I feel like that, when I am feeling my slutty self, she can tell me all kinds of filthy things and it will arouse me. It helps me let go and just, be myself.

That’s not to say that that side of me always enjoys that kind of language, sometimes I am in much less of a slutty mood and that kind of language would ruin my mood. My partner knows very well when calling me a slut is appropriate to my mood and when id rather be called princess. If in feeling delicate and she tells me to imagine something that I would find humiliating, I wouldn’t enjoy it. I think, as you say, it’s horses for courses 🙂

I hope this answers most of your question. 

If you have a question you’d like to ask – you can send it to me here.