relationships

Best Advice I’ve read for a long while

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[–]babybluegrl8082 

This is really great advice. Thank you. As a 26 year old female, it’s hard to see everyone you know getting married but not feeling like you’re quite there yet. I plan on waiting til I’m a bit older, and I try to do some of these things daily but it’s nice to see it written out so well and be reminded what’s important for your relationship AND yourself as an individual.

[–]apricotpajamas 

My 20’s were full of (other peoples’) weddings. My 30’s are full of (other peoples’) divorces. I only know a couple couples who are still together. Almost literally all the marriages I witnessed are over now. When I was 26 I too felt left out, or left behind, and nervous that I needed to find someone and get married. My ex-boyfriend was about to propose 5 years ago but he decided to cheat instead. Bullet dodged. My SO is in the middle of a nasty divorce. All of my girlfriends who married are divorced. I’m 36— and it’s crazy out there.

[–]MaryJewAna 

I am 28 and for a long time I felt so alone. I am in a five year long relationship with someone I’m still not sure about marrying. I’m not sure because all of the people I was jealous of, because they found someone they wanted to take that big step with, are now in the middle of nasty divorces or custody battles. I’m not even 30 yet and I currently know more people who are divorced, will be divorced soon, or are staying with someone that they are extremely unhappy with their SO but won’t leave for whatever reason than I know that are happily married. I’m constantly asking myself if I want to put myself in that situation when I can easily just walk out the door right now and never have to speak to him again if I felt like it.

[–]Mrredditorson 

You’re welcome. I was far too young and inexperienced to know what is needed for a relationship to last 40+ years. Well, we both were. Getting married, having kids and moving to the burbs shouldn’t be your life’s dream. What will you do when your kids are all grown and out of the house?

Work on yourself, a lot. Do things you want to do. Gain experience and yes, you can have kids and move to the burbs if you want. But don’t stop doing what you love to do because when you’re older and your kids have moved out you need something to do. It may as well be what you’ve always loved to do.

Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/AskWomen/comments/1v77b1/divorced_women_who_started_the_proceedings_what/cepi1ov

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What dating would be like if men and women switched their roles.

I think I was born the wrong gender.

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All men are the same?

No, they’re not.  You’re just dating the same type of men.

How to tell a woman is interested in you

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If you’re struggling with ladies who expect you to make the first move all the time, here are some really good tips.

1. If you’re in a big group and someone makes you all laugh, most people immediately look at the person in the group they’re most attracted to. So if you notice she looks at you when she laughs there’s a good chance.

2. A girl who keeps beating herself up on her looks, not only is she fishing for a compliment, she’s fishing for YOUR compliment. Though this usually means she’s interested in you, she could just be looking for attention. If she does it often to multiple people, it’s probably the latter.

3. If a girl talks about how long she spent getting ready and then asks your opinion on how she looks, she did it to impress you. (If she does this when you and her had specifically made plans to hang out, it’s even more explicit. Exceptions to this rule are weddings, parties, etc. etc.)

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4. If a girl asks to sit next to you somewhere where there are other viable empty places/tables to sit at, she’s interested!

5. If a girl seems to be smiling with you way more than she does when she talks to other people, she’s interested in you.

6. If a girl says she’s really cold in an obviously warm environment, she probably wants you to warm her up (either through a hug or occasionally offering your jacket chivalrously). She’s interested in you.  Cheesy but a lot of lasses still do this… 🙂

7. If a girl who is not a best friend type suggests watching a movie when you two are hanging out alone, she wants something to happen. She is interested.

8. If a girl gives you her number, on some level she is interested. Meaning she gives it to you without you prompting her first, though often if she gives it to you after you ask her it still means she’s interested*

9. If a girl is playing with her hair, biting her lip, blushing, smiling, making lots of eye contact – read the signs.  She is interested. I know it’s cliche, but a lot of girls still twirl their hair when flirting. Girls usually stop doing this by the time they’re 21.

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10. Girls like confidence. If you think a girl is interested in you, go for it! The worst that happens is a no. If she has a worse reaction, she’s someone you wouldn’t want to be around anyway.

Source

http://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/fg0e3/what_are_some_common_hints_that_girls_use_on_guys/c1fnn82

How I got my SO to sleep with me : sex

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If you’re in a dead bedroom relationship, read this.

How I got my SO to sleep with me : sex

When to NOT double-barrel your name!

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Teehee

When to NOT double-barrel your name!

Don’t settle for Mediocre

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We’ve all been in a relationship where, we were just there for the sake of it… too lazy to break-up and deal with the aftermath… then there’s always the hassle of finding another partner.  Hassle.  It’s hassle.  It takes time, energy, money.  I’ve been in relationships where I just stayed because, well, I wasn’t really really unhappy, but I wasn’t happy either.  I just existed there, in that time, in that space.  After a while though, just existing wasn’t enough.  So I came across an article today which spoke truths:-

In order to fully understand the truth behind this situation, you have to remember that all relationships are not created equal. There is a difference between true love and dysfunctional relationships. It is very easy to attract a dysfunctional relationship, the lowest hanging fruit. Those who have not done any inner work will tend to gravitate toward anyone who comes along where they feel a little chemistry. That is why your drama-queen friends always have a man. There is plenty of dysfunction to go around and most people settle for mediocre.

Look at your friends and family. How many of them have the ideal relationship you desire? If you review your romantic history, don’t you feel that most of your past lovers were less than wonderful? Even the ones you felt heartbroken over, you probably look back now and wonder what the heck you saw in that person. You know you can have a relationship, but you don’t just want to settle. You want an extraordinary true love.

The average person settles for mediocre. They don’t learn about life or try to improve themselves. They look for the easy way, the quick fix, and the path of least resistance. Inside of everyone is a yearning for more, but it is often pushed down with blaming others, the economy, their industry and their partners for their lack of satisfaction. They are the same people who think you are the one who is crazy for doing all that self-help, touchy –feely stuff. They never want to get into deep conversations and stick to small talk and gossip.

Because you are reading this I know you are not average…far from it. Instead of suppressing that inner yearning for more, you embrace it. You decide that you are the one who can make a difference and design a life that is more fulfilling. You may tend to be hard on yourself because you want the best in your life. Don’t let this inner drive tear you down and make your wrong for not having what everyone else appears to have.

If you look closely, what most people have is not what you want. Just finding a partner or having wealth doesn’t translate into happiness. Settling for mediocre only reinforces to the person that this is all they deserve. At some level they do know they are settling but won’t admit it or are in deep denial. Don’t make comparisons to others because external appearances can be deceitful.

Article written by
Debi  Berndt

Debi Berndt

I don’t believe in all the bullshit therapy that she offers, but she did write a pretty sweet article.  I shared the article because it rings true for so many people.  There is more than that though.  There is more to life.  There is more to love.  True love and happiness does exist.  You can wake up in the morning and think “fuck yeah, I really love my life and I’m really happy”.  Most of what’s holding you back from meeting that person is you and all the obstacles you put in the way. 

Here’s another awesome article written by Roque Caston, a gay man, on the same topic:

http://www.musedmagonline.com/2012/05/settling-for-less-love-yourself-to-love-someone-else/

In the interest of balance, another interesting article, this time looking at the topic from the opposite side of the coin, Robert E Goodin suggesting that settling for medicore can be turned into a good thing:

http://www.newrepublic.com/article/112313/should-striving-ever-stop-settling-robert-e-goodin