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All men are the same?
No, they’re not. You’re just dating the same type of men.
If you’re struggling with ladies who expect you to make the first move all the time, here are some really good tips.
1. If you’re in a big group and someone makes you all laugh, most people immediately look at the person in the group they’re most attracted to. So if you notice she looks at you when she laughs there’s a good chance.
2. A girl who keeps beating herself up on her looks, not only is she fishing for a compliment, she’s fishing for YOUR compliment. Though this usually means she’s interested in you, she could just be looking for attention. If she does it often to multiple people, it’s probably the latter.
3. If a girl talks about how long she spent getting ready and then asks your opinion on how she looks, she did it to impress you. (If she does this when you and her had specifically made plans to hang out, it’s even more explicit. Exceptions to this rule are weddings, parties, etc. etc.)
4. If a girl asks to sit next to you somewhere where there are other viable empty places/tables to sit at, she’s interested!
5. If a girl seems to be smiling with you way more than she does when she talks to other people, she’s interested in you.
6. If a girl says she’s really cold in an obviously warm environment, she probably wants you to warm her up (either through a hug or occasionally offering your jacket chivalrously). She’s interested in you. Cheesy but a lot of lasses still do this… 🙂
7. If a girl who is not a best friend type suggests watching a movie when you two are hanging out alone, she wants something to happen. She is interested.
8. If a girl gives you her number, on some level she is interested. Meaning she gives it to you without you prompting her first, though often if she gives it to you after you ask her it still means she’s interested*
9. If a girl is playing with her hair, biting her lip, blushing, smiling, making lots of eye contact – read the signs. She is interested. I know it’s cliche, but a lot of girls still twirl their hair when flirting. Girls usually stop doing this by the time they’re 21.
10. Girls like confidence. If you think a girl is interested in you, go for it! The worst that happens is a no. If she has a worse reaction, she’s someone you wouldn’t want to be around anyway.
We’ve all been in a relationship where, we were just there for the sake of it… too lazy to break-up and deal with the aftermath… then there’s always the hassle of finding another partner. Hassle. It’s hassle. It takes time, energy, money. I’ve been in relationships where I just stayed because, well, I wasn’t really really unhappy, but I wasn’t happy either. I just existed there, in that time, in that space. After a while though, just existing wasn’t enough. So I came across an article today which spoke truths:-
In order to fully understand the truth behind this situation, you have to remember that all relationships are not created equal. There is a difference between true love and dysfunctional relationships. It is very easy to attract a dysfunctional relationship, the lowest hanging fruit. Those who have not done any inner work will tend to gravitate toward anyone who comes along where they feel a little chemistry. That is why your drama-queen friends always have a man. There is plenty of dysfunction to go around and most people settle for mediocre.
Look at your friends and family. How many of them have the ideal relationship you desire? If you review your romantic history, don’t you feel that most of your past lovers were less than wonderful? Even the ones you felt heartbroken over, you probably look back now and wonder what the heck you saw in that person. You know you can have a relationship, but you don’t just want to settle. You want an extraordinary true love.
The average person settles for mediocre. They don’t learn about life or try to improve themselves. They look for the easy way, the quick fix, and the path of least resistance. Inside of everyone is a yearning for more, but it is often pushed down with blaming others, the economy, their industry and their partners for their lack of satisfaction. They are the same people who think you are the one who is crazy for doing all that self-help, touchy –feely stuff. They never want to get into deep conversations and stick to small talk and gossip.
Because you are reading this I know you are not average…far from it. Instead of suppressing that inner yearning for more, you embrace it. You decide that you are the one who can make a difference and design a life that is more fulfilling. You may tend to be hard on yourself because you want the best in your life. Don’t let this inner drive tear you down and make your wrong for not having what everyone else appears to have.
If you look closely, what most people have is not what you want. Just finding a partner or having wealth doesn’t translate into happiness. Settling for mediocre only reinforces to the person that this is all they deserve. At some level they do know they are settling but won’t admit it or are in deep denial. Don’t make comparisons to others because external appearances can be deceitful.
I don’t believe in all the bullshit therapy that she offers, but she did write a pretty sweet article. I shared the article because it rings true for so many people. There is more than that though. There is more to life. There is more to love. True love and happiness does exist. You can wake up in the morning and think “fuck yeah, I really love my life and I’m really happy”. Most of what’s holding you back from meeting that person is you and all the obstacles you put in the way.
Here’s another awesome article written by Roque Caston, a gay man, on the same topic:
In the interest of balance, another interesting article, this time looking at the topic from the opposite side of the coin, Robert E Goodin suggesting that settling for medicore can be turned into a good thing:
I run an online gaming community – we play lots of different games together. We were playing one particular MMORPG and this guy joined my guild – was a mate of someone already in the guild so we let him in. I fell in love with his voice almost immediately, he was fun, intelligent, passionate, quirky and (when i saw a picture of him) very sexy. He liked to talk a lot. I found him incredibly interesting on all levels.
We talked a lot after raids, I made him an officer he ended up running the raids alongside me… after a couple of months of talking to each other one-on-one, things got kinda sexual, we flirted with each other a lot, although we were both already in relationships at the time. My relationship was open, so I didn’t feel any guilt, his wasn’t though. He told me that he thought we should stop and he wanted to try and work things out with his girlfriend because he still loved her.
I was devastated, heartbroken. To get back at him, I played around with nearly every other male guild member. I talked to him about the guys I was with. I can be a bit of a bitch like that. I think it kinda got to him after a while because he started talking to me again, in the way he used to. I was still angry with him at hurting me in the past, but I got over it.
He told me he liked to dress up in ladies clothes, I found that super hot. We planned some things that he might wear for me on cam… we talked more and more. Our own relationships IRL were deteriorating at that time. I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend at that time, for a whole host of reasons.. He broke up with his girlfriend, they hadn’t even slept in the same room in months.
He came over to Ireland to visit me. I’ll never forget the first day he showed up at my door, rucksack in hand, looking all shy and delicious. I pounced on him as soon as he got inside. We explored each others sexuality. He told me he was submissive, which worked out perfectly for me being of a dominant nature… we discovered that we were interested in a LOT of the same things sexually, as well as having the same life goals and outlook on life.
He visited a few more times, and I asked if he’d like to move in with me. We got our own place, he got a job here and are now in the process of living happily ever after.
I asked him to answer the same question. Here was his response:
i would probably write something about how i met you through an online community i joined
kindled a friendship with you over a year or so
showed you my penis
then moved to ireland
I like his version better… 🙂
He should write a book on women. I’ve been with more than my fair share of men. Looking back, they were all pretty terrible with women, well, in comparison to this guy. He knows when to back down, he knows when to hold me, he knows when to give me space, he knows what to do and when. He knows his way around my body, all it’s little intricacies. What to give me and when. It’s so refreshing.
It’ll be our one year anniversary next week. I want to do something special for him, maybe go for a nice meal somewhere, something…. dare I say it.. romantic. I’ve become so massively squishy and romantic since being with this guy. I was never like that before, neither had the want or need. Open to any romantic evening ideas – drop me a PM or leave me a comment.